310. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, July 7th, 7:00pm
Andrea and Lacey

 

Andrea sighs.

Lacey: What’s wrong?

Andrea: I keep hoping to see Edward on the bus. But he’s never on anymore.

Lacey: I thought you were over him.

Andrea: I’ll never be over him, Lace. He’s my soulmate!

Lacey: Pfft.

Andrea: I didn’t expect you to understand. I just wish I knew where he was.

Lacey: Has it occurred to you that if he’s a vampire he won’t come out when it’s daylight?

Andrea stares at her.

Lacey: (after a moment) Well?

Andrea: You think he really is a vampire?

Lacey: NO!

Andrea: I guess you’re right if he’s trying to keep up appearances. (smiles) Thanks, Lace.

Lacey sighs.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, July 8th, 7:00pm

Author’s note: These Scenes are written independently, occasionally featuring the same character from a former scene. Please click on the names in the tags to follow a character’s story. (Andrea) (Lacey)

309. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, July 6th, 7:00pm
Simon (and Murray)

 

Simon sits at the window. Murray takes the seat beside him.

Murray: Excuse me, can I interest you in a potato?

Simon: I don’t eat vegetation.

Murray: That’s odd… you only eat meat?

Simon: Yes. I prefer organs, actually. A slice of liver with a nice Chianti for instance.

Murray: So no fava beans?

Simon: It’s where our similarity ends.

Murray changes seats.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, July 7th, 7:00pm

Author’s note: These Scenes are written independently, occasionally featuring the same character from a former scene. Please click on the names in the tags to follow a character’s story. (Simon)

308. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, July 5th, 5:00pm
Armand and Millicent

 

Millicent: Do you know, I’ve never seen an elephant?

Armand: That’s strange. Not even in a zoo?

Millicent: Indeed, I have not.

Armand: Have you never been to a zoo?

Millicent: I have.

Armand: Were there no elephants at that particular zoo?

Millicent: There were elephants at that particular zoo, but they were hiding in the bushes.

Armand: (wide eyed) In the bushes? Are you quite sure?

Millicent: I’m positive! There were footprints. And they led right into the bushes.

Armand: They must have been very large bushes!

Millicent: They weren’t that big.

Armand: Then how did the elephants hide in them?

Millicent: I was told the elephants were painted with berries. They blended in.

Armand: But… elephants are gray. They are not green!

Millicent: (wide eyed) They’re not?

Armand: Not at all!

Millicent: Well that just goes to show you then. I’ve never seen an elephant!

 

Next stop: Monday, July 6th, 7:00pm

307. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, July 4th, 8:00pm
Hillary (and Drommen) (and Zoey)

 

Hillary is asleep in the window seat with drool running down her chin. Drommen takes the seat beside her.

Drommen: (shaking her) Hey, Jessica. Wake up.

Hillary stirs but doesn’t wake up.

Drommen: Jessica! It’s time to go home.

Hillary: (slapping at him weakly) Lemme alone.

Drommen: Come on. Don’t make me carry you off the bus.

Hillary: (kicks at him and mumbles louder) Lemme alone!

Drommen is shaking her when Zoey boards the bus.

Zoey: Leave her alone, asshole.

Drommen: She’s drunk. I just want to get her home.

Zoey: Get the fuck away from her!

Drommen: What the fuck’s your problem?

Zoey: You are! You became my problem the day you showed me your dick. Now go away before I call the cops.

Drommen: I know where she lives. We’re friends.

Zoey: (scoffs) Yeah, I’m sure you are.

Drommen: Are you going to take care of her?

Zoey: Yes!

Drommen: Fine then.

Drommen changes seats.

Zoey: (sits. To Hillary) Are you okay honey?

Hillary: (mumbles) He’s not all that bad…

 

Next stop: Sunday, July 5th, 5:00pm

Author’s note: These Scenes are written independently, occasionally featuring the same character from a former scene. Please click on the names in the tags to follow a character’s story. (Hillary) (Drommen) (Zoey)

306. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, July 3rd, 9:00pm
Dale (and Sylvia)

 

Dale sits at the window. Sylvia takes the seat beside him.

Sylvia: I like pants.

Dale: I’m wearing pants.

Sylvia: You wanna have sex?

Dale: Ssssure…

Sylvia: You don’t sound very enthused.

Dale: Oh I am. I just broke up with my wife a few months ago and it’s been a very long time.

Sylvia: So what’s the problem?

Dale: I can’t have sex with my pants on.

Sylvia stares at him.

Dale: And if that’s what you like best about me then…

Sylvia: (stands to change seats) Next!

Dale: D’oh!

 

Next stop: Saturday, July 4th, 8:00pm

Author’s note: These Scenes are written independently, occasionally featuring the same character from a former scene. Please click on the names in the tags to follow a character’s story. (Dale)

305. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, July 2nd, 7:00pm
Rupert (and the rest of the passengers on the bus)

 

Rupert sits alone by the window. He stands and addresses the other passengers.

Rupert: And in closing, I’d like to thank my director, my producer, my mother, and all you little people who volunteered your time to further my cause. I can promise you all that the end of the world by means of worm infestation is no longer an issue and you may all go on with your lives knowing that I, Rupert, have done my utmost to ensure your continued safety against zombies and aliens alike. A light dinner will be served in the cargo hold of this bus at 7:30pm. Thank you again, and good night.

The rest of the passengers on the bus applaud politely.

 

Next stop: Friday, July 3rd, 9:00pm

 

304. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, July 1st, 7:00pm
MoJo (and JoJo)

 

MoJo sits at the window. JoJo boards the bus.

JoJo: (yelling down the aisle) DUDE! Happy Canada Day!

MoJo: (stands) DUDE! What in the heck are you wearing dude?

JoJo: (approaches MoJo) It’s a suit made of maple leaves, man! I saved ’em from last fall!

MoJo: Come and sit by me, dude!

JoJo: (sits and leaves begin to crumble) This is gonna be the best Canada Day ever!

MoJo: Dude! You’re naked!

JoJo: (looks down at himself) No way! Lucky I have a flag! (smiling, holds up small flag and waves it)

MoJo: That’s no way to fly our flag, man.

JoJo: Darn it man, you’re right! What am I gonna do?

MoJo: Here. (takes off t-shirt to reveal body paint in flag design) Tie this around your waist.

JoJo: But, now you’re more patriotic than I am, man.

MoJo: Wait! (turns to face him and presses his chest against JoJo’s) There! Now we’re wearin’ each other’s maple leaves dude!

JoJo: Cool!

MoJo: (stands) Happy Canada Day everybody!

 

Next stop: Thursday, July 2nd, 7:00pm

Author’s note: These Scenes are written independently, occasionally featuring the same character from a former scene. Please click on the names in the tags to follow a character’s story. (MoJo and JoJo)

303. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, June 30th, 7:00pm
Tiffany and Vera

 

Tiffany: My God, I’m like, so glad school’s over, you know?

Vera: I know! Did you hear about Mr. Green on the last day? He was, like, all over Scarlet.

Tiffany: No way!

Vera: (nods exaggeratedly and pops gum) Uh huh. I heard they did it in the cafeteria? And she was, like, tied to one of the tables with a rope and he was covering her in mustard.

Tiffany: Ew!! Isn’t he, like, married to Mrs. Green?

Vera: Pfft. Get a clue.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, July 1st, 7:00pm

 

302. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, June 29th, 7:00pm
Meredith (and Vijay)

 

Meredith sits at the window. Vijay takes the seat beside her.

Meredith: Do I look fat in this?

Vijay: I beg your pardon?

Meredith: Fat. Do I look fat in this dress.

Vijay: I am sorry, I cannot comment on your dress or your body. My wife would not like it.

Meredith: (looks around) Is your wife here?

Vijay: No she is not.

Meredith: I won’t tell her if you don’t. Now. Do I look fat in this?

Vijay: I still cannot comment.

Meredith: Why not?

Vijay: Because I am afraid I will say the wrong thing and then you will be angry at me.

Meredith: You think I look fat, don’t you.

Vijay: I did not say that.

Meredith: You do! How dare you!

Vijay: In my defense madam, I did not say anything.

Meredith: You didn’t have to! I should have known better than to ask a man.

Vijay: This is very true.

 

Next stop: Tuesday, June 30th, 7:00pm

Author’s note: These Scenes are written independently, occasionally featuring the same character from a former scene. Please click on the names in the tags to follow a character’s story.

301. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, June 28th, 1:00pm
Marty (and Zerg, the Undefeatable)

 

Marty sits at the window. Zerg, the Undefeatable takes the seat beside him.

Marty: Watch out.

Zerg, the Undefeatable: Sorry. This costume is a bit big.

Marty: A bit big? Man couldn’t you have gotten changed when you got where ever it is you’re going?

Zerg, the Undefeatable: Not really. It took three hours to get into this thing.

Marty: Who are you supposed to be anyways?

Zerg, the Undefeatable: I’m Zerg. The Undefeatable.

Marty kicks him in the shins.

Zerg, the Undefeatable: Ouch! What was that for?

Marty: Just checking.

 

Next stop: Monday, June 29th, 7:00pm