109. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, December 18th, 11:11am
Sherlock and Watson

 

Sherlock: …and so I said to him, “I knew it was you!”

Watson: How ever did you figure it out?

Sherlock: Well, let me tell you… I spied him sneaking into the hallway and then when I went to put my shoes on later, (after completely forgetting about the incident) there it was! A piece of poo, stuck to the bottom of my sock!

Watson: It was in your shoe?

Sherlock: It was!

Watson: You really must get rid of that child.

Sherlock: Oh no, I sha’n’t do that. I’ll simply send him to school.

Watson: But, which one?

Sherlock: Why elementary, my dear Watson.

 

Next stop: Friday, December 19th, 6:00pm

108. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, December 17th, 5:00pm
Crystal and Jasmine

 

Crystal: So, like, there’s this woman, right? And she comes in to get her hair cut, and she wearing this SWEATER that’s, like, a man’s or something…

Jasmine: Oh my God!

Crystal: Right? And so I start asking her the usual questions, like do you have kids…or have you always lived in town… and like, what are your upcoming plans…

Jasmine: Yeah, yeah…

Crystal: And she’s, like, 50 or something and she’s wearing absolutely ZERO makeup, and I was expecting her to say somethin’ like, well I’m going Christmas shopping for the grandkids… you know…

Jasmine: Uh huh…

Crystal: And then she’s like, “Oh, I’m going to Japan in a couple of days,” and I’m like, what?

Jasmine: No. Way.

Crystal: I know, right? It was all I could do NOT to blurt it out! Like, totally seriously, this woman doesn’t look like she has two cents to rub together and she’s going to Japan and, get this: you haven’t even heard the best part…

Jasmine: What? What?

Crystal: She told me… get this. I asked her why she’s going and she told me she’s going to Tokyo JUST to SEE a CONCERT…

Jasmine: OH. MY. GOD. You have got to be kidding.

Crystal: I’m dead serious. Can you believe it?

Jasmine: No way.

Crystal: I know….

 

Next stop: Thursday, December 18th, 11:11am

(Based on a true story. ;) I should have told her I’m a novelist, while I was at it.)

107. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, December 16th, 4:00pm
Reginald (and Candice)

 

Reginald sits at the window. Candice takes the seat beside him.

Candice: Hey sweetheart.

Reginald ignores her.

Candice: What’s our fine Mr. Mayor doing taking a bus?

Reginald: (without looking at her) I can’t talk to you.

Candice: Really? I don’t see a ball in your mouth.

Reginald: (stares out the window) Would you please go away?

Candice: Aw, sweetheart! I thought you liked me.

Reginald: (stares out the window, stage whispering) Not here!

Candice: Maybe you should have thought of the consequences when you stiffed Madame at the dungeon. I got my ass whipped for that you know.

Reginald ignores her.

Candice: I think you owe me.

Reginald: (stares out the window) What do you want?

Candice: Oh I don’t know… couple of extra lashings should do the trick.

Reginald: You know I can’t…

Candice: …or I could come and sit on your lap. (opens her purse) I think I have my handcuffs…

Reginald: (staring out the window) FINE! I’ll see you tonight.

Candice changes seats with a smile.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, December 17th, 5:00pm

Author’s note: These Scenes are written independently, occasionally featuring the same character from a former scene. Please click on the names in the tags to follow a character’s story. (Candice)

106. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, December 15th, 4:00pm
Karla (and Justin)

 

Karla sits at the window. Justin takes the seat beside her.

Justin: Hey, don’t I know you from somewhere?

Karla: (glances up briefly from her cell phone) Nope.

Justin: I’m sure I do. Do you live around here?

Karla: (without looking up) Nope.

Justin: It’s Karla, right?

Karla: (without looking up) Nope.

Justin: Then why do you call yourself “Karla” on your facebook?

Karla: (looks at him) How do you know that?

Justin points at her phone.

Karla: (turning her back to the window to hide her phone, holding it in front of her face) Stop being so nosy.

Justin: You don’t get it, do you?

Karla: Don’t get what?

Justin: Everyone knows everyone.

Karla: (nose to her phone, typing madly) I don’t know you.

Justin: But all your friends will. You just took my picture.

Karla: No I didn’t.

Justin: (snatching her phone) Yes you did.

Karla: Fuck off, give that back.

Justin: Take my picture off it.

Karla: (snatches phone back) Fine!

Justin: (sits quietly for a moment then turns to her) Friend me on facebook?

Karla: (without looking up from her phone) Sure, what’s your name?

 

Next stop: Tuesday, December 16th, 4:00pm

Author’s note: These Scenes are written independently, occasionally featuring the same character from a former scene. Please click on the names in the tags to follow a character’s story.  (Justin) (Karla)

105. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, December 14th, 4:00am
Norm (and Vic)

Norm sits at the window. Vic takes a seat across the aisle.

Vic: Wassup?

Norm: (regards him briefly) Not much.

Vic: Why so glum, chum?

Norm: (looks at him) Why don’t you go find somewhere else to sit?

Vic: Get fired from the factory?

Norm: (stares out the window, mumbling) None of your business.

Vic: If you need some money I can help you out.

Norm: (regards him) Yeah? Doing what?

Vic: (reaches into his pocket, pulls out a small baggie) I’ve got a little business goin’.

Norm: I’m not into drugs. And anyway, what makes you think I’m not a cop?

Vic: Are you a cop.

Norm: (smiles) Yeah.

Norm escorts Vic off the bus in handcuffs.

 
Next stop: Monday, December 15th, 4:00pm

104. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, December 13th, 9:00pm
Edward (and Lily)

Edward sits in the aisle seat. Lily takes a seat behind him.

Lily: (leaning forward) Hey sexy, going my way?

Edward: (without turning) What a stupid question. We’re on a bus. (turns to her) Of course I’m go… (sniffs) Who are you?

Lily: (smiles, showing a mouthful of fake fangs) I’m the girl who’s going to make you happy.

Edward: (stands) No you’re not! I belong to Bella!

Lily: Okay! Okay! Calm down. Have a seat.

Edward sits and stares forward.

Lily: (leaning forward to speak in his ear) I bet Bella can’t give you what I can.

Edward: (meekly) Are you talking about eternal life?

Lily: No, I’m talking about really great head.

Edward stands, hisses at her showing his own fake fangs, and hurries to the door to wait to get off the bus.

 

Next stop: Sunday, December 14th, 4:00am

Author’s note: These Scenes are written independently, occasionally featuring the same character from a former scene. Please click on the names in the tags to follow a character’s story. (Edward) (Lily)

103. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, December 12th, 6:00pm
Drommen (and Hillary)

 

Drommen sits at the window. Hillary takes the seat beside him.

Drommen: Hey, er, Jessica. Or should I call you Hillary?

Hillary: Hey Jake. You can call me Jessica.

Drommen: (smiles) Okay. What’s new?

Hillary: Funny you should ask that. I met an undercover cop on the bus yesterday.

Drommen: Really?

Hillary: Yeah. She was goin’ around askin’ girls if they’d seen that flasher.

Drommen: What did you tell her?

Hillary: I described him. And I also told him it wasn’t the Drummin’ guy, ‘coz that’s what you said. She asked about him by name.

Drommen: Ah well that’s good.

Hillary: That’s good?

Drommen: Well yeah, they don’t want to catch the wrong guy. So what does this other guy look like, anyway?

Hillary: (regards him closely) Actually, he kinda looks like you. Except he’s got this mole on his cheek.

Drommen: You told her about the mole though, right?

Hillary: I’m not sure. Why do you ask?

Drommen: Oh, no reason.

 
Next stop: Saturday, December 13th, 9:00pm

Author’s note: These Scenes are written independently, occasionally featuring the same character from a former scene. Please click on the names in the tags to follow a character’s story.  (Drommen) (Hillary)

 

102. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, December 11th, 2:00pm
Matt and Andy (and Nancy and everyone on the bus)

 

Matt: (singing) Tweet tweet.

Andy: (singing) Twiddle twiddle.

Nancy: (across the aisle, singing) There’s only one candy with a hole in the middle.

The rest of the bus joins in.

 

Next stop: Friday, December 12th, 6:00pm

101. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, December 10th, 4:00pm
Trish (and Justin)

 

Trish sits by the window. Justin takes the seat beside her.

Justin: (turns head nonchalantly. Raises eyebrows) Don’t I know you from somewhere?

Trish shakes her head vigorously and leans away.

Justin: Sure. You’re that girl I saw and Dave Brown’s party last week.

Trish: I don’t go to parties.

Justin: No way, Really?

Trish shakes her head.

Justin: I coulda sworn…. (stares down the aisle for a moment and turns back to her) Hey, d’you want to go to a movie with me?

Trish: No.

Justin: Coffee?

Trish: I don’t drink coffee.

Justin: What do you do?

Trish: I’m a Mormon.

Justin: Can I at least get your number?

Trish: No.

Justin: (shakes head) Jeez, sorry I forgot. Mormons don’t have phones.

Trish rolls her eyes and looks out the window.

 

Next stop: Thursday, December 11th,  2:00pm

Author’s note: These Scenes are written independently, occasionally featuring the same character from a former scene. Please click on the names in the tags to follow a character’s story.  (Justin)

100. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, December 9th, 5:00pm
Michael (and The Darkness)

 

Michael sits at the window, reading The Left Hand of Darkness by Ursula K. Le Guin. The Darkness takes the seat beside him.

The Darkness: (looking back and forth between book and own left hand) I am The Darkness.

Michael: (glancing at The Darkness) I beg your pardon?

The Darkness: (snatches the book away) I am the Darkness!

Michael: Hey, give me my book back!

The Darkness: (stands, holding the book up) I AM THE DARKNESS!! I AM THE DARKNESS!!

The Darkness gets kicked off the bus. With Michael’s book.



Next stop: Wednesday, December 10th, 4:00pm

Author’s note: These Scenes are written independently, occasionally featuring the same character from a former scene. Please click on the names in the tags to follow a character’s story.  (Michael) (The Darkness)