238. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, April 26th, 7:00pm
Mona and Sparky

 

Mona: (while texting) I’m so ugly.

Sparky: Who told you that?

Mona: I did. (lifts cell phone) And Martina agrees with me.

Sparky: Martina can go suck eggs.

Mona: You think so?

Sparky: Yeah. You’re beautiful. What does she know?

Mona: I’ll tell her. (starts texting)

Sparky: (after a while) What did she say?

Mona: (reading) “I’m not a mongoose.” What does that even mean?

Sparky: I don’t…

Mona: Wait! There’s another text. (reading) “And Sparky’s ugly too.”

Sparky: See? I told you she don’t know nothing.

 

Next stop: Monday, April 27th, 6:00pm

237. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday April 25th, 10:00am
April and June

 

April: I’m almost finished.

June: (looks over at April’s lap) I haven’t even started yet. Hey, have you seen May lately?

April: I think she’s due to show up next week sometime.

June: (gazes out the window) EWWW!!!

April: (leans across to see what she’s looking at) What did you see?

June: Something squashed on the road. I think it might have been a groundhog.

April: (nods) I heard there was a March against them last month.

 

Next stop: Sunday, April 26th, 7:00pm

236. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Friday, April 24th, 9:00pm
Edward and Lily

 

Edward: It was awful!

Lily: There there. Who can I get rid of for you? Is it that new boss of yours?

Edward: No! I can’t believe he meant for it to happen. All those… women! And they were dancing with poles… some of them were upside down!

Lily: So you want me to go there and get rid of the women for you?

Edward: (touches her hand) No. It’s too dangerous. Women are dangerous. Real human women that is. Not you.

Lily: Come home with me then Edward darling. I’ll look after you.

Edward: You will?

Lily: For you? I’ll even open my best red.

Edward: You will?

Lily: Of course. I’ve had him chained up in my basement for months.

 

Next stop: Saturday, April 25th, 10:00am

Author’s note: These Scenes are written independently, occasionally featuring the same character from a former scene. Please click on the names in the tags to follow a character’s story. (Edward) (Lily)

235. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Thursday, April 23rd, 6:00pm
Miriam and Ursula

 

Miriam: Oh! I got a new crossword puzzle book.

Ursula: Where did you find that? I thought we had them all for this month.

Miriam: I found this new store. They’ve got way more puzzle books than the place we usually go.

Ursula: Seriously? Where is it?

Miriam: You know the hardware store near the office?

Ursula stares blankly.

Miriam: Up the street from the Jesus place.

Ursula: The one next to the sex shop?

Miriam: Yeah! It’s between there and the tattoo parlour.

Ursula: Oh I think I know the one!

Miriam: Tomorrow, lunch time. We’ll go in there. The place is like puzzle heaven.

Ursula: Crossword crack.

Miriam: Exactly!

 

Next stop: Friday, April 24th, 9:00pm

 

234. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Wednesday, April 22nd, 8:00pm
Mr. Splindle and Edward

 

Mr. Splindle: So what were you doing before, Edward?

Edward: I worked for a man… er… I was an apprentice of sorts.

Mr. Splindle: And that idea died, did it?

Edward: It dyed the wrong colour completely.

Mr. Splindle: And what do you like to do for fun?

Edward: Do you mean what are my hobbies?

Mr. Splindle: No! No, not at all. This isn’t an interview! It’s what you might call a recruitment! No, I just want to know what sorts of things might be distracting you from our little venture.

Edward: Well, I like to look at girls.

Mr. Splindle: So you like pussy, eh son? A man after my own heart.

Edward: (frowning) That’s not what I said.

Mr. Splindle: What are you talking about then, lad?

Edward: I like to look at GIRLS, not CATS.

Mr. Splindle regards him for a moment.

Edward: And I don’t like dogs.

Mr. Splindle: (pats him on the knee and smiles) Son, the cats we’re going to see tonight’ll have you howling like a dog at the moon.

 

Next stop: Thursday, April 23rd, 6:00pm

Author’s note: These Scenes are written independently, occasionally featuring the same character from a former scene. Please click on the names in the tags to follow a character’s story. (Mr. Splindle) (Edward)

233. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Tuesday, April 21st, 11:45pm
Wally (and Taylor)

 

Wally sits at the window. Taylor takes the seat across the aisle.

Taylor: (breathing heavily) Whew!

Wally: You look like you been running.

Taylor: I did. I thought I was going to miss the last bus.

Wally: Just get off work at the plant?

Taylor nods, still trying to catch his breath.

Wally: I use to work there. Got fired.

Taylor: Oh yeah?

Wally: Yep, got accused of stealing by a co-worker when it was literally him who was stealing.

Taylor: Got thrown under the bus eh?

Wally: Literally.

Taylor: That’s gotta hurt.

 

Next stop: Wednesday, April 22nd, 8:00pm

232. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Monday, April 20th, 3:30pm
Dudes

 

Dude: Oh dude, I am sooo fucked up.

Dude: Where are we going again?

Dude: We’re going… that way.

Both giggle

Dude: (points) Dude, that kid over there is going to throw up.

Dude: No way.

Child vomits.

Dude: (loudly) Bus driver! Clean up in aisle 4!

Both giggle hysterically

Dude: No dude, aisle 420!

Dude: Hey, this is our stop.

Both get up

Dude: (to everyone on the bus) Happy 4/20 everyone!

Dude: Yeah, Happy George Takei’s birthday!

Dudes get off the bus.

 

Next stop: … dude … no idea.

231. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Sunday, April 19th, 2:00pm
Yvonne and Sarah

 

Yvonne: I think Quinn’s fooling around on me again.

Sarah: Hmph.

Yvonne: Is that all you can say?

Sarah: As your sister I’ve gotta say you’re kinda calling the kettle black.

Yvonne: So?

Sarah: So how can you expect him to be faithful to you when you’re not faithful to him?

Yvonne: (raises a eyebrow) I don’t get caught.

 

Next stop: Monday, April 20th, 3:30pm

Author’s note: These Scenes are written independently, occasionally featuring the same character from a former scene. Please click on the names in the tags to follow a character’s story. (Yvonne)

230. Scenes from the Second Seat on the Right

Saturday, April 18th, 9:00pm
Quinn and Serge

 

Serge: Glad you’re coming tonight.

Quinn: (sighs) Yeah I guess.

Serge: Listen, bro. You know you’re not gonna stay together with Yvonne anyways.

Quinn: So don’t feel guilty? Is that it?

Serge: (shrugs) It’s just a little fun. Play a little poker…

Quinn: Have a few drinks…

Serge: Play a little strip poker when Jody brings her college friends over…

Quinn: All innocent, right?

Serge: (laughs) Right!

 

Next stop: Sunday, April 19th, 2:00pm

Author’s note: These Scenes are written independently, occasionally featuring the same character from a former scene. Please click on the names in the tags to follow a character’s story. (Quinn) (Serge)

Unsightly sights

We’re closed for the night
all tucked in just you ‘n’ me
alone at last;
you with your tie and your shiny hair
and me in uncomfortable stockings

In the dark, with the lights off
who cares if they knock on the glass doors
we have nothing left to sell
except what we sell ourselves;
heated breath, exchanged, no receipts

Can they see us shedding the clothes
of mannequins? haha is that what they think?
Thru the window my skin is pale and if
I stand still enough perhaps
my porcelain skin will look to their eyes
innocent window dressing

You feel my radiant lust upon your chest
that I care not what they think
as I untie your tie and drop your drawers
and then the window dresser appears to be
doing the unspeakable with his porcelain companion
at closing time.