“Do you smell that?”

“What?”

“I think something’s burning.”

“You always say that this time of night.”

“What do you mean? What time is it?”

“It’s 11:06.”

“I do?”

“Yes dear.”

“…but, I still smell it.”

“No you don’t.”

“How do you know? You haven’t even sniffed.”

“I don’t need to. I know what it is you’re smelling.”

“Okaaay, so what am I smelling if it’s not something burning?”

“I farted.”

“Your farts do NOT smell like burning. Oh look! There’s smoke coming out of the kitchen!”

“No there’s not.”

“Yes there is!!”

“It’s your imagination. You know what you’re like at this time every night.”

“Fuck you! It’s not me! The kitchen is on fire!”

“No it isn’t.”

“Then what the hell is the light in the kitchen!? You won’t even turn around and look for God sake!”

“I don’t need to. It’s just the cat.”

“What do you mean, ‘just the cat’?!?”

“The cat just came in from outside. You know what the radiation is like out there. So the cat glows a little. Big deal.”

“….”

“Just go back to watching the news. Look, they’re talking about the radiation now.”

“…why is there a bear shaking hands with a fish?”

“….”

“The radiation. Right. Well then, I’m going to bed.”

“Okay dear. I’ll be there soon. Just have to put the cat out.”