The Sixth of Five

AvocadoI thought it was my lucky day. I stood in line counting and then recounting the avocados in my basket. The label on the dark green plastic net bag said ‘5 Avocados’ but there was, without a doubt, six inside. I love vegetables. I paid for them without mentioning my good fortune to the cashier and left the store. That was a week ago. Yesterday everything started to go downhill.

It was lunchtime. The sixth and final avocado looked fine. It felt a little soft but when I cut into it


and twisted the two halves apart it looked and smelled perfect. Green and firm. The seed wasn’t too big or too


small. I think it was the spoon, when it came into kkkkkkkcontact with the seed that I first heard it. It sounded like static from a radio speaker. I half ekkkkkkxpected to see sparks, but that was silly.

My avocado tasted wonderful. I would go as far to say it may have been the best avokk kkcado I’ve ever had.


The twitch started an hour after I finished eating my lunkk kkch. The statikkkkkkkkkc which was coming from the outside is now in my head. I thinkkkkkkk the avokk kk kkcado might have been bad after all. Wait, no. I thought the avokkcado might have been bad. Now I think it’s it’s was


The staticcccckk kk in my head is getting worse by the minute.

Kk kk kkill them

I’m going to the store.


The kkkkccreature is large and kkkccumbersome but it has arms and le kk kk kkk gs that are useful. It ckkkkccan also drive a kkkkkccc automobile.

I ckk kk kkan’t see very well. It’s likkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkke my eyes are shaded and I thinkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

kk kk seeds for eyes yes and we kk kk kkilled them all

I thinkkkk I did something terrible at the st kkore. There was blood everywhere in the vegetable aisle. I tried to warn them not to buy avo

kkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk SHUT UP! I’m a fruit you idiot!

cados but who would thinkk kkk kkkk kkkkkk kkkkk


“Honey? Are you home? I brought Mike over to… holy shit that’s a big vegetable.  You hungry Mike?”