Author: Linda G. Hill

Stinky

“You in the back row, um… let me see… Sarah, please use the word ‘pungent’ in a sentence.”

“Walter, in my math class, is very pungent.”

“Sarah! That’s not very nice. Do you know what the word ‘pungent’ means?”

“Yes, it means smelly.”

“That’s right. Step out into the hall, please. And don’t come back in until I tell you to.”

“But, Miss Foster…”

“I said go out of the class, young lady.”

…

“Now. What is the next word? Ah, yes. This is a good one. Nick? I remember your name. Would you please use the word ‘warren’ in a sentence.”

“Walter would live in a warren if he didn’t live in a cage in our math class.”

“Ahem. Very good, Nick. Would you please do me a favour and ask Sarah to come back in?”

Pretty – #SoCS

He loved her secretly. She was the prettiest girl he’d ever met. Beautiful inside and out. But he had no choice; he couldn’t tell her, or anyone else. His step-mother would be against the match. And no wonder. For she was the daughter of his step-mother’s brother. Almost his cousin, but not quite.

One day, they’d run away together, he thought. When they were older. Maybe when they were teenagers.

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This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to read more posts, and see how you can join in: https://lindaghill.com/2016/11/25/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-nov-2616/

Black Friday

“Are you ready for our chaotic day at the shops tomorrow, then?”

“It’s the ‘stores,’ luv. We’re in America now.”

“Oh, all right then. The ‘stores.’ Are we taking the lorry or the car?”

“We’re going to take the truck. We’d better if we’re going to buy a new bed.”

“Right then. Better get the shopping bags out of the boot of the car for the small stuff.”

…

“What’s that sigh for?”

“Nothing, me luv. Did you ask them to close off the lift when we get back?”

“Yes I did. And it’s the ‘elevator.'”

unanticipable

can’t see the future
it’s unanticipable
unqualified to speculate
can’t anticipate
what they’re going to do

do they know?
can they prognosticate?
or are they prostrate
scratching their noggins
debilitatably stuck?

ain’t got the answers
maybe neither them too
so what are we to do?
wait and see
indubitably

Elicit

Chili might elicit a burp or a fart
And lightning a blink or a wink

The moonlight might just draw out a gasp
supermoon

 

 

 

And cause your canoe to sink (but I doubt it).

Arro-Matic

“It’s the newest thing in weaponry and I got it right here. You, Sir! You! Yes, you. Come on over and see the best new thing money can buy. It’s the Arro-Matic. You hold the bow just so and fit the arrow right here and pull the trigger. Here, why don’t you try it?”

“Hey, that looks pretty good. But how does it smell?”

“Smell? What do you mean ‘smell’? This here’s a state-of-the-art weapon. Money can’t buy anything better than this. Why in God’s name do you want it to smell?”

“What did you say it was called?”

“The Arro-Matic! Best darned bow and arrow you can get.”

“Arro-Matic. Arro-Matic…”

“Sir, I’m not getting your drift.”

“False advertising, that’s what that is.”

“Sir, I think you should just move on. And don’t be calling me a stinking salesman!”

Scorched

“Look! You’ve scorched the milk, Norman.”

“I’m sorry, Harriet my love. I don’t know what’s come over me today.”

“Do you think it’s got something to do with …you know?”

“It might, my love.”

“Oh, Norman. We did have a laugh though.”

“Hehe. Yes, yes we did.”

“Well then. What are we going to do with all this scorched milk?”

“Harriet, my love, why don’t you just pour it in the cat’s bowl? Give him a treat.”

“I s’pose I could, at that. We’ve had ours. Do you have any more of those pills left?”

“Harriet! You’re not thinking about that now, are you?”

“Why not? Let’s go scorch the sheets.”

“All right, then.”

#SoCS – Parts

Yes,
there are parts of you
I’d like to claw,
and yes,
there are parts
that I’d like
to caress.
Yes,
there are parts of you
I’d like to kiss
and yes,
there are parts
I just want
to breathe in.
Yes,
I would love
to make
you mine
and yes,
I know
we’ll never
say
yes.

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Stream of Consciousness Saturday.

Tart – 50-word fiction

“You’re such a tart,” she says in jest.
But little does she know I’ve been screwing her husband for three weeks now. The question is, do I tell her right away, or do I wait until the bitch beats me at tennis again? Because holy shit, do I hate losing.

Fishy

Fuuuuck! I just dropped a piece of fish off my fork on the way to my mouth. Do I pick it up? Do I let it sit in the carpet? Who the hell puts shag carpet in their dining room anyway? The host of this dinner party, apparently. I already feel like I don’t belong among these stuck-up prissy billionaires, with their posh manners and their ‘oh-so-very’ way of talking.

Why don’t these people have a dog?!? If I pick it up I’ll look like an idiot who can’t feed himself, and if I don’t, they’re going to remember who sat here and made their stupid shag carpet smell like wharf in August. And why the hell are they serving fish at a party? Don’t they know how many regular people can’t stand fish?

I know. I’ll drop my knife and when I pick it up, I’ll get the fish at the same time.

What the fuck? Where’d that servant come from? Aaaand he’s bringing me a clean knife. Great. So much for that idea.

I don’t really like the looks of the woman sitting opposite me. Maybe I’ll kick it under her chair. Then they’ll think she dropped it and I’ll be off the hook. OFF THE HOOK! THAT’S FUNNY! Okay, I’ve got to stop giggling. People are looking at me.

“Yes, the weather is lovely this time of year. What was I laughing at? Oh, um, nothing.”

Smooth. Okay, now if I can just kick it over there… Damn it! The soles of these fancy dress shoes are too slippery. I’ll have to take my shoe off.

UGH! I can smell my own feet. Gotta slip my shoe back on. Now the old lady across the table is giving me the eye. Wait, did I nudge her with my foot? Oh God, I might have! She’s going to think I want to play footsies!

AHHH! She’s sticking her toe up my pant leg! Gotta stay calm, gotta stay calm. I’ll just smile at her and… Dear God she winked at me!!

“Excuse me, I just have to, um, use the facilities. Could you direct me… Down the hall to the left? Thank you.”

Okay, time to make my escape. Should I try and pick up the piece of fish? Maybe I can just bend down and nobody will notice… Holy shit… OUCH! The lady across from me just kicked me in the mouth!

“I wasn’t… I mean, I was just trying to… Oh fuck it.”

Well I won’t be invited back here again. I hope the old lady enjoys her fluffy shag-covered fish for dinner.