Flash Fiction

Discovery (The Dentist – Part 5 of 5)

…continued from here…

“Oh! You’re here today. I’m so happy to discover you’re still alive.”

“Why wouldn’t I be, Dr. Spiers?”

“I had this very odd dream that you’d died in all kinds of ways. And that we’d been having a… well, a tryst, you might say.”

“Doctor!”

“I’m sorry, my dear. Was that inappropriate? Truly, please forgive me.”

“No, that’s all right. I had a similar dream. Say, would you like to go out for a drink later?”

“Ahem. I’m not sure my wife would appreciate that. Why don’t we get on with our first appointment. Shall we?”

“Okay. Mrs. Horner is coming in again this morning.”

“Is she having her teeth replaced?”

“That’s right.”

“And did you put them all in the right order?”

“What… order? They’re a pair of false teeth.”

“Just checking.”

Stay Calm (The Dentist, Part 4 of 5)

…continued from here…

“It wasn’t me. Ahem. I didn’t do it. Ahehehehem! I’m not responsible for that girl’s death!

“Oh, who the hell am I trying to kid? Okay, I’ll tell you the whole truth.

“My hygienist and I had an affair. It was torrid and disgusting and it was the best sex I’ve ever had in my life. But then her friend moved in with her and was all, ‘Make him make an honest woman out of you!’ and ‘You have to get a commitment out of him!’

“It drove me crazy. I did my best to stay calm amidst her demands but it was no good. I finally decided to break it off, and she went off the deep end. She threatened to tell my wife.

“So I made her eat her words. Every last one of them. I watched her brush her teeth for the very last time.

“You know, you’re a great interrogator. I didn’t think I’d ever tell…

“YES DEAR? I’M JUST IN THE BATHROOM! WHO AM I TALKING TO? OH, NO ONE, DEAR! JUST MYSELF. CAN WE TALK ABOUT THIS WHEN I COME OUT? I’M ABOUT TO GET IN THE SHOWER.

“I LOVE YOU TOO, DEAR.”

…continued here…

Enthusiasm (The Dentist, Part 3 of 5)

…continued from here…

“I’ll start by saying I’ve never been to a psychiatrist before. I know you told me I should just talk, but feel free to interject any time. No? All right then. I’ll go ahead.

“I think part of why I’ve chased away three patients this week is my enthusiasm for my job. I love dentistry. There’s nothing quite like getting right in there with my instruments and rearranging people’s smiles. Did you know one time I removed all of a lady’s teeth–bad gums, she had to have them out–and then instead of giving her dentures, I kept them and sewed them all back in a week later? She would have been happy, except I got mixed up and put the top ones on the bottom and the bottom ones on the top. Well, I was excited. She just couldn’t see the beauty in it.

“I should probably mention that I may have lost a patient or two this week because I no longer have an assistant. Terrible thing happened. She died on the job. Accidentally slit her femoral artery when a man whose teeth she was cleaning swatted her hand away. I might have been able to stop the bleeding, except my secretary was off and I was waiting for the last patient’s credit card to go through.

“Ah, the life of a dentist. You must hear stories like this all the time…”

…continued here…

Unfortunately (The Dentist, Part 2 of 5)

…continued from here…

“Oh my God! You scared me silly. You’re the man who knows sign language, aren’t you? Wait… How did you get in here?

“You’ve been here all night? Waiting for the novocaine? What novocaine? OH, the novocaine for your filling. Now I remember. I’m surprised you’re still sitting in the chair. Why ever didn’t you just get up and walk out? Your wheelchair? It must be that one right there in the corner.

“Oh well, at least you didn’t have to drive in all that horrible weather outside. What’s that? Yesterday was your birthday and you missed seeing your family for the first time in… how many years? Well, we’d better hurry up and get this tooth filled so you can get out of here then. Now, where was I? Oh yes, the novocaine. I’ll be right back.

“I beg your pardon? I didn’t see what you signed there. Don’t bother with the novocaine? All right then. It’s your funeral.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Did I say that out loud? I forgot, you can hear. What I meant was, having your tooth filled without any freezing might hurt a little. Now let’s see. Oh right, you have a bit of rotting going on down in the root. I think I’m going to have to take out the tooth beside the bad one. What’s that? I already did? Hmmm. Oh no. I have some bad news. Unfortunately it seems I took the wrong one out. I’ll just get my pliers here… Now where did they go. I can’t find anything since my hygienist left. Just up and quit, she did.

“I said I fired her yesterday? I wonder why I said that. All right. Here are the pliers. Wha… Where did you go?

“Hey, you! You in the wheelchair! Come back here! You haven’t paid me yet!”

…continued here…

Relax (The Dentist, Part 1 of 5)

“Just lay back and relax. Everything’s going to be okay. Now open your mouth, nice and wide. Oh, you know sign language? Excellent, so do I. It’s a handy language to know when you’re a dentist. Get it? ‘Handy’? I’m a funny dentist too.

“No! No, no, no, don’t be nervous. I know what I’m doing. Just have to… There! I’ve moved your premolar so I can get to the one next to it. Don’t worry. I can glue it back when I’m finished.

“You’re allergic to glue? Oh. Well I’m sorry then. How about a lovely set of false teeth for free? Yes, I can arrange that. It will fill in the gap you already had.

“Now I just have to get this one filled, and… Oh. Oh this isn’t good. You have some rotting going on in the root. How much is your insurance? You don’t have insurance? Well then, perhaps you can get a mortgage on your house. You … what was that again? You have to… OH, sorry. I was trying to read your fingerspelling. Did that hurt very much?

“What am I saying. Of course it did. I suppose I shouldn’t have fired my hygienist last night. Juggling all these instruments is probably a hazard, don’t you think?

“Oh, but I had no choice. My hygienist was going out back between patients to smoke drugs. Can you imagine? And I thought she was getting whiffs of laughing gas all this time. I even replaced the masks half a dozen times. I’m a bit of a fuddyduddy when it comes to these things though. Just last night I was saying to my wife… What’s that? You’re not completely frozen anymore? Just a minute, I’ll get you some more novocaine. I’ll be back in a few minutes…

…continued here…

Moody

She accuses me all the time of being moody. I’ll show her.

The mood is set. The candles are lit around the steaming, lavender-scented bath, the wine is poured, and the dinner is warming, ready for when she gets out. I’m already in the bath waiting for her to come ho…

There she is! I hear her key in the door! And… who’s she talking to? She brought her good-looking boss home again?

She thought I was moody before! I’ll show her!

Folly

“I don’t understand how it is that the Christmas song ‘Deck the Halls’ was written before Nintendo was invented.”

“Why is that?”

“Well it starts out, ‘Deck the halls with Bowser folly,’ right?”

“Not really, it’s…”

“And then the next line after all the ‘fa la las’ is, ”Tis the seas on tubie jolly,’ which clearly talks about Mario going from island to island through a tube.”

“Oookay. Go on.”

“Right. So the next line is, ‘Don we now our gay apparel.'”

“And how does that relate to the game?”

“Oh come on! Have you seen Mario’s hat? If that’s not gay I don’t know what is. It’s red! Red is a happy colour!”

“I’ll give you that one. Any more?”

“Um, let’s see… what’s the next line. Oh yeah. ‘Troll the henchmen you tied Carol.’ They kinda messed that one up.”

“How so?”

“It should have been Peach, not Carol. Or hey! Maybe her name was originally Carol. What do you think?”

“It’s a mystery.”

Here

“Here we are again.”

Yep, here we are again.

“What do you want to do?”

I dunno. The world is our oyster.

“We can do anything we want?”

Anything at all.

“Can we unbury you so you can hold my hand one more time?”

No. We can’t do that.

“I miss you.”

I miss you too, my love.

Math

“Billy, you can’t give a mystical answer to a math question.”

“But Mr. Johnson, what if the center point of the circumference of ‘A’ did intersect with the center of the universe?”

“Then, Billy, we’d all be obliterated.”

“Exac…”

THE END

Author’s note: My proficiency in Grade 11 math eludes me. But my grammar is up to par…

#SoCS – Abide

I can’t bear to abide by the rules of love. Why is it, for instance, insisted that love go both ways? Or that we must have met in the flesh? I can love you simply because I know you. I’ve heard your songs and I know you wrote them for me. They speak to my heart. They bare your soul to me, just as though you were here, on your knees, singing to me.

Why should I suppress my everlasting love for you? I shall lay down my life for you, if you ask.

You hear me, don’t you?

socsbadge2016-17

This piece of Stream of Consciousness fiction is part of SoCS. Click the link to read more posts, and join in, too! https://lindaghill.com/2016/12/09/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-dec-1016/