#JusJoJan 5/18 – Memories

Ghostly faces cloud my reality in this moment of despair.. Eyes that squinted with insincere laughter, noses flared with what was not mirth, but instead sniffed out my insecurities … and the mouths–the cruelest of all–stretched into smiles of toothy hunger, ready to devour me should I flinch.

These memories have haunted me throughout my life, through childhood and my teenage years, and well into my twenties. And now, as I face the obstacle of my worst nightmare–standing upon the stage before my peers to receive the degree I earned alone in my basement, staring at a screen of solitary learning–I regret that my qualification may go unrewarded.

The life of an introverted scholar seems inconceivable.

This quick jot is part of Just Jot it January! The prompt today is brought to you by Cage Dunn – click here to check out her blog: https://cagedunn.wordpress.com/ and go here to join in JusJoJan! https://lindaghill.com/2018/01/05/jusjojan-daily-prompt-january-5th-2018/ It’s fun! 😀

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Blanks

How, with all the blanks filled in, can I still not manage the colour of the sky? It’s too vast, I tell myself. Cloudless, it’s too pure. When I see those fluffy white beasts, I say, get away, you’re blocking my view.

Why is the sky so hard to draw?

I think it may be that I want not to float out of my body and high up there, when I die.

Should I mar the purity, of the sky.

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hide and seek

childish games of long ago
when we’d laugh and run
for “home”
after being found
but not yet tagged

but when you told me,
“hide!” two days ago
life was far from carefree
not fun,
but frightening

i’ve not yet been tagged
nor found
and i’m afraid laughter
is far in the past
i mustn’t cry

as i slept last night
in this cramped and cold room
i dreamed that we were eating
on a patio in summer
we were adults

the dogs i hear now howling
are maybe coming for me with their noses
i only hope
that you
are holding their leashes

what’s that?
a friendly voice…
a woman, my mom?
and you, dear brother
He must be safe in jail

embrace

never take off your mask
don’t ever let the sun shine
upon your face
don’t bathe in the golden glow of the moon
nor wet your cheeks in the sea
be forever afraid,
i shall to entomb you
in my eternal love