Flash Fiction

#SoCS – A Lifetime of Balls

I woke up this morning to find a bag of balls on my front stoop. They were all the balls I’ve ever owned in my life. Ones I played catch with, with my dad; ones that went over fences never to be retrieved; ones that hung on the Christmas tree during the first year of my first marriage… Right up until the ball I was playing with yesterday – one of the three I was juggling at the kid’s birthday party. Yes, I’m a clown. The only one they missed is the ball on my nose. Of course, I sleep with that one.

The bag of balls is someone’s idea of a dirty trick, obviously. Probably someone I left in the sewer system…

AUTHOR’S NOTE: If I could edit this I’d leave a hint somewhere that shows earlier that my stream of consciousness ended up at a killer clown.

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And that’s what SoCS is all about! Check it out here: http://lindaghill.com/2016/03/11/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-1216/

Isn’t There a Cream For That? An 100-word Story

It started with an itch. Just a little, Ooh, what’s that? I think I’ll scratch it. So I did, as you do.

The next morning I woke up to find a big… I don’t even know what you’d call it. So I decided to go to the doctor. Ha! Funny, right?

The moment I got in the door, everyone was, Aah! Look at the hideous beast! and What the hell is wrong with him, coming in here?

I wanted to explain that I just needed my itch looked at, but they wouldn’t listen. It sucks being reincarnated as a snake.

That Thing – #SoCS – an 100-word story*

“That thing is not going in my closet.” It was the last thing I ever heard her say.

We’d been talking about moving in together for months. She knew about my collection. Sure, she’d never seen it… she hadn’t wanted to. I tried to explain to her how big it was and how freakin’ awe-inspiring it was. I guess she didn’t believe me. In retrospect, I do remember her just nodding and smiling as though she was humouring me.

I think it was the boa that took offense to her screaming first. Or maybe it was the cobra. Oh well.

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This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to find the rules and discover how you can join in! http://lindaghill.com/2016/03/04/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-516/

*Author’s note: No editing went into this post in order to make it an 100-word story. Just how it turned out. I’m happy about that. 😉

Campers Welcome, a 50-word story

The sign on the gate of the public campsite, said, “Welcome all, whether happy or sad.” And so the happy campers and the sad campers sat side-by-side at their bonfires, telling ghost stories and playing tunes. Sometimes they all woke up happy and sometimes, sad, but the mosquitoes always won.

How Misunderstood – 100 words

“Dino?”

“Yes Dad?”

“Where’s my trailer?”

“It’s at the bottom of the hill.”

“I thought I told you to put blocks under the wheels.”

“Yeah but…”

“I was going to go get the truck to hook it up.”

“I know, Dad, but…”

“You let my trailer go down the hill by itself. Now I’ve got to go down there and dig it out of the ditch.”

“Yeah, I know, but…

“What the hell were you thinking?!”

“Well it’s what you said!”

“What I said? What did I say?”

“You told me you wanted everything today to go down without a hitch!”

Poor Frozen Willy – 100 words

“Poor frozen Willy was a chilly little guy. He normally lives somewhere warm and humid, but one day he found himself out in the cold. It turns out his owner got drunk and…”

“Honey?”

“Yeah, Babe?”

“Why does every story you tell me before bed have to be about your penis?”

“Who said it’s about my penis? It’s actually about a penguin.”

“A penguin who lives somewhere warm?”

“Sure.”

“…”

“Okay. I’m just trying to get you in the mood.”

“Talking about your cold little penis is not going to do the trick.”

“Hmm… A poor but massive and overheated horse…”

Hell’s Kitchen

“Barnaby! You burnt my steak again!”

“But Sir… you won’t turn the grill down.”

Thar’s the Rub – a 50-word story

“You don’t like her?”

“No. She rubs me the wrong way.”

“Which way does she rub you?”

“Oh you know. Side to side.”

“Do you prefer to be rubbed up and down?”

“From top to bottom, actually.”

“Hmm. I like the tummy.”

“OOh, and behind the ear is good too.”

Almost – a 50 word story

Okay, I’m off. That’s it. I’ve had enough of your bullshit. This ship is sailing. I’ve packed my bags, I’m ready to go. Going out for milk and never coming back. Taking the plunge. Making like a tree and… oh, is that pie? I’ll go in a minute, shall I?

Applied Art – a 50 word story

“What is the most romantic gesture you can think of?”

Sitting behind the desk in her best business suit, legs crossed, she tapped the pen on the bridge of her nose and stared at the question.

All she could think was, What kind of secretarial job am I applying for?