try as I might
to be grown up
do all the things
that make me big
and independent
and feel like i’m part
of the grown up world
they make me fat
or give me pain
and when i stay
awake and read
i sleep in way
through my alarm
and drag myself
all through my day
to find myself
awake at 12
a glass of wine
back in my hand
and i have to face
the harshest truth
i’m just not old
enough
to adult
writing fiction makes
it possible to kill you
more than just one time
childish games of long ago
when we’d laugh and run
for “home”
after being found
but not yet tagged
but when you told me,
“hide!” two days ago
life was far from carefree
not fun,
but frightening
i’ve not yet been tagged
nor found
and i’m afraid laughter
is far in the past
i mustn’t cry
as i slept last night
in this cramped and cold room
i dreamed that we were eating
on a patio in summer
we were adults
the dogs i hear now howling
are maybe coming for me with their noses
i only hope
that you
are holding their leashes
what’s that?
a friendly voice…
a woman, my mom?
and you, dear brother
He must be safe in jail
the easy answer
is you’re nasty –
your tasty little
comments above
meaningful murmurs
that on the surface are
humorous, but if
they could hear you
they’d be unim-
pressed by the
quality of your quips
you’re the epitome of
vulgarity
but wouldn’t it be nice
if you could be just
a little bit more
accepting and
excepting the standards
to which you hold
yourself up there is
nothing to show me
that you’re any
better than
anyone
else
you could be the
epitome of,
well,
someone like me
This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday where the word of the week is “press.” Click the link to see how you can join in. It’s fun! https://lindaghill.com/2016/05/27/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-may-2816/
And this post is also in response to The Daily Post where the word of the day is Epitome.
Kamakura, Japan, December, 2014
when the waves break
upon the shore
with not so much but a whimper
take to heed that
to the speck of sand
transported
from the depths of the ocean
up to the shore
the movement was
momentous and the water,
in its course,
god
This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday! Click here to see how you can join in: https://lindaghill.com/2016/05/20/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-may-2116/
however you burn
be it with the fierceness of conviction
or the warmth of compassion
the glow of inspiration
or the brilliance of determination,
do it completely, my child
for the world needs you as much
as you require freedom
your dark that should
be comforting
ends with a slap on
the cheek
or the ass
and you plunge into
thoughts disturbed
by demons of so
long ago
your dark that should
envelope you in a warmth at
the end of a screeching day
does nothing but make
you recall the
hope that
you lost
somewhere in
someplace within
that time when you felt
safe and whole
and now
and now when everything
lay to waste
in shades of emo
and silky
black
your thoughts decline
to the depths
of holy
nothing
You’re like a hangnail
Dangling by a nerve in-shoe
You make me lamer
as i climb the stairs
for the umpteenth time,
i wish just once
there was someone who
could carry me there,
to tuck me in
to kiss my brow
and turn off the light
and say, it’ll be all right
just sleep and i’ll
take care of all.
but when i awake
after a long night’s slumber
i open my eyes to find
everything is the same.
does it matter
that you don’t care?
should i reject you
for my self-esteem’s sake?
you’re so beautiful
i feel privileged
just to be noticed
by the likes of you
let alone to lie with you,
to hear your most private moans.
i think of all the girls
who would be so envious
should i have the freedom
to tell…
but your wife
can never find out
so i must keep silent
and it’s just as well
our private time
is just for us
is it not?
was that me you spoke of
to your friend?
i hope not
…
does it matter
that i don’t matter
or do i?
i daren’t ask
Linda G. Hill 