It’s a major disaster. So much blood has been spilled. I had one job to do. Just one. How could I have been so careless? I’ll never be able to show my face in public again!
I should have known I was too clumsy to work in a butcher shop.
General Fiction
Honey
22:30 Honey! Are you coming to bed?
Yeah! I’ll be there in a minute!
22:36 Honey! Are you coming to bed yet?
On my way, dear!
22:40 Honey! Are you…
I’m here.
Oh good. But before you get into bed, can you let the dog out?
…
22:54 Honey! Are you coming to bed soon?
The dog’s still outside!
Well get him in! I wanna snuggle!
Be there soon, dear!
23:01 Honey! Are you…
Yes.
Good. Get into bed.
… Honey, did you lock the front door?
No, didn’t you?
No.
23:09 Honey! Are you coming back to bed soon?
Be there in a minute!
What’s taking you so long?
Cat wanted in!
We don’t have a cat!
You sure?
Of course I am!
Okay! I gotta find the cat now and let him back out!
23:44 Honey! Are you coming…
I’m here.
What the hell happened to you? Where’d all those scratches come from?
The cat. It didn’t want to go out.
…Wait, what colour was the cat?
Black.
Maybe it was Blackie! I haven’t seen her since before we met! You’ve gotta go let her back in!
…
1:03 Honey! Did you find her yet?
… Honey? Honey where’d you go?
…
Honey?
…
Ugh. Men!
Tuesday Use It In A Sentence – Trebuchet
I remember it like it was yesterday. I came home from school and my big brother, Wade, was building something on the front lawn. When I asked him what it was, he said:
“It’s a trebuchet. We’ve been learning about them in history class.”
I couldn’t wait to get into Grade Six. “What does it do?” I asked, awestruck.
“It throws stuff. I’ll let you know when it’s ready to go.”
“Okay,” I said, and I went in to get myself a snack. Mom wasn’t home – if she had been the whole thing probably could have been avoided.
When I went outside half an hour later, Wade was on the roof, dropping rocks into a bucket that was hanging on the same level as the gutter. That thing was HUGE, I tell you.
“Are you almost done?” I asked.
“Three more rocks and she’s ready to roll.”
I waited until he was back on the ground, and I asked him: “What are you going to throw with it?”
“I forgot to give Petey back his tennis ball. I’m gonna pitch it to his house.”
“But he lives a whole mile away!”
“Yep!” Wade gave me a real shit-kickin’ smile then, and I knew things weren’t going to go so good.
“Stand back and watch,” he said.
And I did. I stood way back. When he let that thing go it was a good thing no one was inside too. He damned near cut the house in two. But Petey got his ball all right. Went right through his bedroom window.
Tuesday Use It In A Sentence is brought to you by the lovely Kelli this week. Pop over and join in! https://fortyandfantastique.wordpress.com/2016/03/14/tuesdayuseitinasentence-trebuchet/
ageing
there is a cherry on the table. and if i could just reach it i would know colour, i would know my past, i could have again the loves i’ve lost, and the places i’ve been, and all the growing up i’ve done…
but the table is vast and the cherry seems to shrink before my eyes, rotting, shriveling, becoming meek. i see the pip and the stem falls off and then… and it’s so fast. so very fast. so very, very…
#SoCS – A Lifetime of Balls
I woke up this morning to find a bag of balls on my front stoop. They were all the balls I’ve ever owned in my life. Ones I played catch with, with my dad; ones that went over fences never to be retrieved; ones that hung on the Christmas tree during the first year of my first marriage… Right up until the ball I was playing with yesterday – one of the three I was juggling at the kid’s birthday party. Yes, I’m a clown. The only one they missed is the ball on my nose. Of course, I sleep with that one.
The bag of balls is someone’s idea of a dirty trick, obviously. Probably someone I left in the sewer system…
AUTHOR’S NOTE: If I could edit this I’d leave a hint somewhere that shows earlier that my stream of consciousness ended up at a killer clown.
And that’s what SoCS is all about! Check it out here: http://lindaghill.com/2016/03/11/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-1216/
Isn’t There a Cream For That? An 100-word Story
It started with an itch. Just a little, Ooh, what’s that? I think I’ll scratch it. So I did, as you do.
The next morning I woke up to find a big… I don’t even know what you’d call it. So I decided to go to the doctor. Ha! Funny, right?
The moment I got in the door, everyone was, Aah! Look at the hideous beast! and What the hell is wrong with him, coming in here?
I wanted to explain that I just needed my itch looked at, but they wouldn’t listen. It sucks being reincarnated as a snake.
That Thing – #SoCS – an 100-word story*
“That thing is not going in my closet.” It was the last thing I ever heard her say.
We’d been talking about moving in together for months. She knew about my collection. Sure, she’d never seen it… she hadn’t wanted to. I tried to explain to her how big it was and how freakin’ awe-inspiring it was. I guess she didn’t believe me. In retrospect, I do remember her just nodding and smiling as though she was humouring me.
I think it was the boa that took offense to her screaming first. Or maybe it was the cobra. Oh well.
This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to find the rules and discover how you can join in! http://lindaghill.com/2016/03/04/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-516/
*Author’s note: No editing went into this post in order to make it an 100-word story. Just how it turned out. I’m happy about that. 😉
Campers Welcome, a 50-word story
The sign on the gate of the public campsite, said, “Welcome all, whether happy or sad.” And so the happy campers and the sad campers sat side-by-side at their bonfires, telling ghost stories and playing tunes. Sometimes they all woke up happy and sometimes, sad, but the mosquitoes always won.
How Misunderstood – 100 words
“Dino?”
“Yes Dad?”
“Where’s my trailer?”
“It’s at the bottom of the hill.”
“I thought I told you to put blocks under the wheels.”
“Yeah but…”
“I was going to go get the truck to hook it up.”
“I know, Dad, but…”
“You let my trailer go down the hill by itself. Now I’ve got to go down there and dig it out of the ditch.”
“Yeah, I know, but…
“What the hell were you thinking?!”
“Well it’s what you said!”
“What I said? What did I say?”
“You told me you wanted everything today to go down without a hitch!”
Poor Frozen Willy – 100 words
“Poor frozen Willy was a chilly little guy. He normally lives somewhere warm and humid, but one day he found himself out in the cold. It turns out his owner got drunk and…”
“Honey?”
“Yeah, Babe?”
“Why does every story you tell me before bed have to be about your penis?”
“Who said it’s about my penis? It’s actually about a penguin.”
“A penguin who lives somewhere warm?”
“Sure.”
“…”
“Okay. I’m just trying to get you in the mood.”
“Talking about your cold little penis is not going to do the trick.”
“Hmm… A poor but massive and overheated horse…”
Linda G. Hill 