You and me
Me and you
You’n’me
Me’n’you
Younme
Menyou
Yummy
Menu
I think I’ll have a bite to eat.
It’s Just Jot It January! Click here and join in any time!
You and me
Me and you
You’n’me
Me’n’you
Younme
Menyou
Yummy
Menu
I think I’ll have a bite to eat.
It’s Just Jot It January! Click here and join in any time!
I’m compelled to do things just to piss you off. Like leave the toilet seat up after I’ve told you a thousand times to put it down, or chop off your balls because I caught you cheating on me. And I would. If it wasn’t for all my own affairs.
It’s Just Jot It January! Click here and join in any time!
Is there elegance in your bones?
Let me imagine you
Your skeleton click-clacking
With nary a muscle nor hair
To impede your dance
Your pirouette
Your ivory grin
As you twirl and spin
And fall to a pile
Of twigs.
Where did you go?
Piece back together your elegant bones
And dance for me once more.
It’s Just Jot It January! Click here and join in any time!
My new girlfriend fell in love with my stamp collection on our first date. On the second I showed her my Star Wars figurines and she was ecstatic. So tonight, on our third date, I’ll introduce her to my stool sample collection the doctor requested. And I plan to propose.
It’s Just Jot It January! Click here and join in any time!
“What’s going on?” she asks as if there’s nothing wrong. But there is, of course, something terrible about to happen in my shorts. She forgot to remind me to go potty… She’s going to be mad. But then again, that’s typical of my wife.
The “what” prompt (and this purely stream of consciousness wtf? story) is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click here to join in today!
And also running right now is Just Jot It January! Click to join in any time!
“I really hate blind dates,” said Gertrude as she sat across the table from her blind date in a posh restaurant with candles on every table. She dug in to her baked potato as though it was a mound of dirt, piled beside an open grave. Clearly she was more the drive-thru type.
“Then why did you come?” Victor asked reasonably.
Gertrude shrugged her neon green fleece-clad shoulders. “Never had lobster before.”
Victor had an idea. “You know, if they don’t cook the lobster enough it will come back to life and bite you.”
His date dropped her fork. With a clatter it bounced off the plate and onto the floor. Victor plucked his napkin off his lap and dabbed the corner of his mouth as he stared at her plate. “I think I saw it twitch.”
“You’re fucking with me.”
“No. Seriously. I…” He stopped a passing waiter – the one who had, in fact, placed their meals on the table. “Did you see that?”
“See what, Sir?”
“I think the lady’s lobster is still alive.”
He saw a slight grin on the waiter’s face. “Oh dear, not again. I’ll inform the chef.”
“Get someone out here to catch it first, would you?” Victor said. “I think it’s going to jump.”
With that, Gertrude stood. The waistband of her track pants caught the tablecloth and lifted it, flipping the plate clean off the table onto the floor. She ran, shrieking from the restaurant. Victor didn’t follow her.
“Thanks, mate,” he said to the waiter. “I’ll add a little extra to the tip.”
“Not at all, Sir,” said the waiter as he hurried off to find someone to catch the lobster, which was presently chasing off the remaining women diners.
Note: Other than the title of this post, it had nothing to do with the title of anything at all.
The “title” prompt is brought to you by Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click here to join in today!
And also running right now is Just Jot It January! Click to join in any time!
“And in other news, the big fluffy clouds will puke out some snow.”
Harvey the anchor smiles at the camera while whispering out of the corner of his mouth, “Jerry, what the hell am I reading?”
To which Jerry replies, “Just keep reading!”
“The snow will consist of styrofoam clumps, coated in coffee grinds…”
“Jerry! I can’t read this shit!”
“Keep reading!!”
“… and by five o’clock your afternoon commute will resemble …”
“Jerry! What is that word?”
“Shmoopimple.”
“Shmoopimple?”
“Yes! Read it!”
“…your afternoon commute will resemble shmoopimple, wall to wall traffic. And that’s the news.”
And that was the day Harvey quit his job at the community college television network.
It’s Just Jot It January! Click here and join in any time!
Mr. Strange was the normalest person he himself knew. He shaved every morning and put on his suit and went to work as an accountant in a perfectly normal firm downtown. He drove a Lexus and he lived in a three bedroom bungalow by himself with his dog and his cat and his three fish. The bodies buried in the basement didn’t count as other people. They were corpses.
***
Miss Harper enjoyed the company of Mr. Strange very much. She was a secretary at the firm in which he worked. She lived downtown a few blocks from the company in an apartment on the fifth floor. She didn’t drive, but she had admired Mr. Strange’s Lexus and even said so once. She was hoping he would invite her out to dinner.
***
Mr. Tarvell was Mr. Strange’s boss. He always thought there was something odd about Mr. Strange, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He knew his secretary, Miss Harper, had a “thing” for Mr. Strange and he wanted to say something but he didn’t quite know how.
***
Mr. Strange’s dog wouldn’t stop trying to get into the basement. He thought about giving the dog to Miss Harper, the secretary at work. She seemed lonely. Perhaps he would invite her over.
***
Miss Harper’s first visit to Mr. Strange’s house was an event that surpassed every event that she had ever had in her life. On the outside, Mr. Strange was a kind man. Gentle, it seemed. In fact he was the normalest man she had ever had the pleasure of working with. However, they had barely started into dessert when he swooped everything off the table, the table cloth included, and crawled over to her and kissed her passionately. They never made it to the bedroom. He made love to her under the dining room table, her head banging on one of the chair legs each time he thrust into her. She took a taxi home. She couldn’t wait to see him again.
***
Mr. Tarvell noticed a strange smell on Miss Harper’s clothes the next day. It seemed, somehow, that she had gotten moldy. Like she had spent the night in the refrigerator, cuddled up to a basket of rotting strawberries. He didn’t want to say anything lest it seem rude.
***
Mr. Strange was the normalest person he himself knew. That he would soon require a bigger basement meant that he would also probably need a new job. A better paying job. A job in a town where no one knew him. Leaving his present house to the dog seemed the wisest choice he had made in quite some time.
This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. It’s only late if you insist on changing the clocks at 2am… http://lindaghill.com/2015/10/30/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-oct-3115/
romance comes
in so many forms
for some brightly lit in the sun, water falls and picnics
gah
what of that? sickly sweet and taffy cream ant infested bologna!
romance is this my love:
wine as red as blood
candle wax dripping upon skin
and pain
pain as sharp as the knife which i use
to carve your lust for me into your chest
as piercing as my body into yours – the physicality of romance
can you feel it?
can you feel the torture that i endure upon days
and nights of not knowing where you are
what you are doing and with whom?
romance is a fistful of angel hair and fingernail clippings
romance is a mindfull of possession and need
i hand it to you on a plate of flesh and bone
for you know as well as i
romance kills
doesn’t it my love?
My eye brushes gently ‘cross your death note; the taste of it sweet upon my lips. If I thought you weren’t kidding I would surely be afraid for you. But this is you, as you are. As you have always been. The kingdom of Dramaland resides within you – it echos softly as your blood drips on the floor in a tainted half-hearted effort to end it all.
I laugh, straining not to shed tears upon your page. When I look up you are smirking at me. And now it is I who wishes my end.
***
This post is unedited and written as part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday – a fun prompt that anyone can participate in! Find the rules here: http://lindaghill.com/2015/03/20/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-2115/
It is also part of Mr. Chuck Wendig’s Flash Fiction challenge. This week: 100 words only. Check it out! http://terribleminds.com/ramble/2015/03/20/flash-fiction-challenge-100-words-only/