Captain’s Log – 24.06.16

O5:00 Awoke.
05:10 Prepared coffee.
05:30 At controls, coffee at hand.
07:35 Detected signs of The Infamous Mr. Cadavel, attempting to locate my whereabouts.
07:36 Altered course, with aid from Midshipman Fluffy.
11:55 Broke for lunch. Midshipman Fluffy in control.
13:00 Returned to find Midshipman Fluffy in trouble. Crisis averted. Solution: hairball.
15:06 Code Red: communication to the mothership down.
15:11 Communication reinstated. Must investigate cause.
15:12 Found frayed wire. Relegated Midshipman Fluffy to mess closet for timeout.
18:00 Break for supper. Left Midshipman Fluffy in charge of cleaning mess.
22:00 Hitting berth. Leaving Midshipman Fluffy at controls overnight.

Captain’s Log – 23.06.16

O5:00 Awoke.
05:30 At controls.
08:15 Awoke, again. Realized I’d missed morning coffee. Had Midshipman Fluffy bring coffee.
11:55 Broke for lunch, leaving Midshipman Fluffy at controls.
13:00 Returned to controls. Nothing out of the ordinary as yet today.
14:00 Pirate sighting at starboard. He’s close. Not sure how he snuck up on me so fast.
14:01 Relegated Midshipman Fluffy to cleaning head.
14:02 Got rid of pirate.
14:10 Read “Watchtower” in head.
18:00 Break for supper. Left Midshipman Fluffy in charge of cleaning mess.
22:00 Hitting berth. Leaving Midshipman Fluffy at controls overnight.

#tuesdayuseitinasentence – Served

It was an ordinary morning. I got up, made my tea, prepared my honey on toast, and sat down with the newspaper to enjoy them. Breakfast is the meal that most reminds me of my wife, God rest her soul in Heaven. I haven’t a job to go to, since I retired two years ago, so my mornings are quiet.

Until a jarring knock on the door disturbed my routine. I opened it to find a middle-aged man in a grey suit standing outside with his hands behind his back.

“Mr. Davidson?” he asked without any attempt at salutation.

“Yes,” I replied.

“Mr. David Davidson?”

“Yes, that’s me.”

He produced from behind his back an envelope with my name on it and nothing else.

“You’ve been served,” he said, and without waiting for a response he turned and left.

I sit here now, with my tea growing cold, the day’s news forgotten along with my toast as I read for the third time the contents of the envelope. I am to be a witness for the prosecution of the young man who lost control of his car and ran down my dear wife as she stepped out to the curb to pick up the newspaper one snowy morning, a year ago today.

It seems I must adjust my morning routine once again.

This post is part of Tuesday Use It In A Sentence, brought to us by the lovely MLW. Click this link to find the prompt, and join in!

#SoCS – Amber and Ash

I sit at the traffic light and watch the amber bulb blink on and off. My car is almost out of gas and I wonder how much longer the electricity will stay running. But does it matter? The slain lay behind me, their brains eaten. Now that I’ve finished off the last of the zombies, I have nothing left to eat. Nothing but ash. And zombie brains.


This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the following link and join in!

The Chronicles of Mary, Part 4

Tired of taking public transportation, Mary bought an old used car. One day on her way back to the parking lot at the end of the busy workday, she was surprised to see a man and a woman trying to unlock her car with a coathanger.

“Can I help you?” Mary asked the woman, who was standing back watching.

The woman eyed the man shiftily and said, “We can’t get in.”

“Here, let me try.” Mary took the coathanger from the man, thinking this might be a chance to have a little fun. She fiddled with the coathanger, moving it this way and that, but she couldn’t quite reach the knob inside to open the door. “Nope,” she said after a while. “I can’t get it.

“Oh wait,” Mary went on. “I think I have a key.”

Mary pulled out her car key and opened the door. The man and the woman ran away. Mary laughed all the way home.

Jus’ another day at the farm

It all started when Billy took it on hisself to drive the tractor. I told him again and again, stay off the damn tractor. But would he listen? A’course not.

I was doin’ my work, ya know, muckin’ out stalls when I heard the darn thing drive away. Now you might say I shouldn’a left it runnin’. An’ I prolly shouldn’a left it sittin’ with all them boxes stacked up beside it. He wouldn’a bin able to get up there if I hadn’a done that. But he was determined.

An’ what’s the first thing he did once the machine started rollin’? ‘At’s right. Straight for Bessie. He’s had it in for that cow since he first got here.

So now I got m’self a dilemma. Do I shoot Billy? Or do I jus’ leave him be an’ hope he doesn’ get ahold of the tractor again? ‘Coz there’s still Rosemarie to worry about. An’ she’s my best milker.

Nope, I think I’ll jus’ take Billy out to the back forty and put an end to him. Too bad though. I was gettin’ kinda fond’a that goat.

Growin’ Up ‘n’ Misunderstandin’

“But Mama, I wanna see him again. He loves me!”

“You are not goin’ out with that kid, and that’s final.”

“You don’t understand! He’s the peach fuzz on my cherry pie! He’s the whipped toppin’ on my sundae!”

“I never! That’s ‘xactly why you’re not seein’ him again! Talkin’ like that to your own mother!”

“But… but… I’ll die without him!”

“Nonsense! There’s other goats in the barn.”

“Don’t you mean ‘fish in the sea’?”

“Fish? I thought we were talking ’bout Billy! You mean Johnny? Sure, you can go out with him.”

The Chronicles of Mary, Part 2 – a 50-word story

Last week, Mary got her heel stuck in a sewer grate. As a car was approached at great speed, a woman in a cape (envision Professor Umbridge of Harry Potter fame) scooped Mary up and moved her to safety.

Mary attended the woman’s funeral shoeless. She wasn’t taking any chances.

Shame – a 50-word story

It’s a major disaster. So much blood has been spilled. I had one job to do. Just one. How could I have been so careless?  I’ll never be able to show my face in public again!

I should have known I was too clumsy to work in a butcher shop.

Tuesday Use It In A Sentence – Trebuchet

I remember it like it was yesterday. I came home from school and my big brother, Wade, was building something on the front lawn. When I asked him what it was, he said:

“It’s a trebuchet. We’ve been learning about them in history class.”

I couldn’t wait to get into Grade Six. “What does it do?” I asked, awestruck.

“It throws stuff. I’ll let you know when it’s ready to go.”

“Okay,” I said, and I went in to get myself a snack. Mom wasn’t home – if she had been the whole thing probably could have been avoided.

When I went outside half an hour later, Wade was on the roof, dropping rocks into a bucket that was hanging on the same level as the gutter. That thing was HUGE, I tell you.

“Are you almost done?” I asked.

“Three more rocks and she’s ready to roll.”

I waited until he was back on the ground, and I asked him: “What are you going to throw with it?”

“I forgot to give Petey back his tennis ball. I’m gonna pitch it to his house.”

“But he lives a whole mile away!”

“Yep!” Wade gave me a real shit-kickin’ smile then, and I knew things weren’t going to go so good.

“Stand back and watch,” he said.

And I did. I stood way back. When he let that thing go it was a good thing no one was inside too. He damned near cut the house in two. But Petey got his ball all right. Went right through his bedroom window.

Tuesday Use It In A Sentence is brought to you by the lovely Kelli this week. Pop over and join in!