Short Fiction

Contemptuous – #AtoZ Challenge (AC – language)

He approaches me as I walk in the door of my office building: “Excuse me, Sir?”

“Yes?” I say, but I’m thinking: Look at you and your sniveling grin. You’re going to ask me for a favour, aren’t you, you grimy little slice of dick-cheese pie. You flunkies are all the same.

“You parked outside in a no-parking zone.”

Get a fucking life. “Let me tell you, young neophyte, when I was your age I didn’t dare tell the owner of such a grand building as this where he could and couldn’t park.”

“But Sir, your car’s getting towed away.”

Author’s Notes:

1. I’ve known a few people in my lifetime who thought their money held them above others in every way. It’s fun to cut them and their contemptuous ways down to size, even if it’s just through fiction.

2. I have no plans to write Adult Content fiction pieces for this challenge, but it happens, and it’s sometimes beyond my control if I’m to remain authentic to my muse. I will place a warning in the title of those posts which fall under the AC category.

Suspicious Coffee – an 100-word story

“What if,” I asked my husband as we sipped coffee from our china cups, “coffee contains some sort of secret ingredient that allows the government to read our thoughts.”

“What are you saying, Darling? That now coffee is part of your conspiracy theory? I honestly don’t know why I married you.”

“Now that you mention it, I was thinking the same thing. How could I have married someone who is so… insensitive to the possibility that everything is spying on us?”

“Everything is not… wait. Did you say you were thinking the same thing as I? Put down the cup.”

That Thing – #SoCS – an 100-word story*

“That thing is not going in my closet.” It was the last thing I ever heard her say.

We’d been talking about moving in together for months. She knew about my collection. Sure, she’d never seen it… she hadn’t wanted to. I tried to explain to her how big it was and how freakin’ awe-inspiring it was. I guess she didn’t believe me. In retrospect, I do remember her just nodding and smiling as though she was humouring me.

I think it was the boa that took offense to her screaming first. Or maybe it was the cobra. Oh well.

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This post is part of Stream of Consciousness Saturday. Click the link to find the rules and discover how you can join in! http://lindaghill.com/2016/03/04/the-friday-reminder-and-prompt-for-socs-march-516/

*Author’s note: No editing went into this post in order to make it an 100-word story. Just how it turned out. I’m happy about that. 😉

Campers Welcome, a 50-word story

The sign on the gate of the public campsite, said, “Welcome all, whether happy or sad.” And so the happy campers and the sad campers sat side-by-side at their bonfires, telling ghost stories and playing tunes. Sometimes they all woke up happy and sometimes, sad, but the mosquitoes always won.

Thar’s the Rub – a 50-word story

“You don’t like her?”

“No. She rubs me the wrong way.”

“Which way does she rub you?”

“Oh you know. Side to side.”

“Do you prefer to be rubbed up and down?”

“From top to bottom, actually.”

“Hmm. I like the tummy.”

“OOh, and behind the ear is good too.”

Almost – a 50 word story

Okay, I’m off. That’s it. I’ve had enough of your bullshit. This ship is sailing. I’ve packed my bags, I’m ready to go. Going out for milk and never coming back. Taking the plunge. Making like a tree and… oh, is that pie? I’ll go in a minute, shall I?

Applied Art – a 50 word story

“What is the most romantic gesture you can think of?”

Sitting behind the desk in her best business suit, legs crossed, she tapped the pen on the bridge of her nose and stared at the question.

All she could think was, What kind of secretarial job am I applying for?

Look!

Up in the sky!
It’s a bird!
It’s a … writer?
It’s Flying-by-the-seat-of-his-pants Man!

Penmanship – #tuesdayuseitinasentence – a 50 word story

Maybe it’s my lack of penmanship that lost me the girl. Yeah, it was a one night stand, but I really liked her. All I wrote was, “Best of luck ever! Don’t forget shut, lock door on your way out!” And now she’s accusing me of calling her a slut.

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This post is brought to you by Tuesday Use It In A Sentence. This week the host is Kelli at Forty, c’est Fantastique! and the word of the week is “penmanship.”

I’m lovin’ it, a 50 word story

“You tryin’ to sell me somethin’ boy? ‘Coz if you are, I got somethin’ to tell you: I ain’t buyin’. M’kay? I just ain’t buyin’ yo crap. I’mma tell you somethin’ else – I ain’t listenin’ to yo crap!”

“Errr… I just wanted to know if you’d like fries with that.”