Dumb – #AtoZ Challenge

I got it! I finally got a way to get on America’s Funniest Videos! This is gonna be great. All I have to do is cover the peak of the roof with sheet metal, and build a ramp coming down to it off the top of the barn. Oh, and I need my skateboard. Duh! I’m gonna grind for the camera, baby!

Author’s Notes:

1. It’s obvious where my inspiration for this piece came from, yet I have to hand it to the people who make up a good portion of those who get their videos on the show; their ideas are brilliant. It took me a while to come up with something original.

2. I have no plans to write Adult Content fiction pieces for this challenge, but it happens, and it’s sometimes beyond my control if I’m to remain authentic to my muse. I will place a warning in the title of those posts which fall under the AC category.

Contemptuous – #AtoZ Challenge (AC – language)

He approaches me as I walk in the door of my office building: “Excuse me, Sir?”

“Yes?” I say, but I’m thinking: Look at you and your sniveling grin. You’re going to ask me for a favour, aren’t you, you grimy little slice of dick-cheese pie. You flunkies are all the same.

“You parked outside in a no-parking zone.”

Get a fucking life. “Let me tell you, young neophyte, when I was your age I didn’t dare tell the owner of such a grand building as this where he could and couldn’t park.”

“But Sir, your car’s getting towed away.”

Author’s Notes:

1. I’ve known a few people in my lifetime who thought their money held them above others in every way. It’s fun to cut them and their contemptuous ways down to size, even if it’s just through fiction.

2. I have no plans to write Adult Content fiction pieces for this challenge, but it happens, and it’s sometimes beyond my control if I’m to remain authentic to my muse. I will place a warning in the title of those posts which fall under the AC category.

Times, they are a’changin’ – a 50-word story

On my word, I have never seen anything like it in all my eighty years! Walking up the street as if it owned it, all my-shit-doesn’t-stink, nose-in-the-air swagger. And it was on a leash too! Dangling out of the trousers it was barely wearing ’round its ankles. Kids these days!

Boisterous – #A-Z April Blogging Challenge

My name is Desdemona and I’m a fan. God, I sound like I’m in an AA meeting or something. But the guys in the band are just so freaking cute!! I see a picture of them online – like, backstage or something? – and I just squeeee!!!! And OMG can you believe I actually got tickets to their concert? It’s not for another two months but I can’t wait! My mom keeps saying I’ll flip the roof over with my squeeing. She can’t possibly understand!

I gotta call Ashley. We have to find out where the band is staying when they’re here…

Authors notes:

1. When I think of a boisterous character, my mind goes directly to Chester, the animated dog who plays sidekick to the bulldog named Spike, on The Bugs Bunny and Tweety Show. Thus, it’s a challenge for me to come up with a human version of “boisterous.”

2. I have no plans to write Adult Content fiction pieces for this challenge, but it happens, and it’s sometimes beyond my control if I’m to remain authentic to my muse. I will place a warning in the title of those posts which fall under the AC category.

Apathetic – #A-Z April Blogging Challenge

She can hear the kids downstairs screaming at one another, the screams occasionally punctuated with slaps and cries of pain, but she’s right in the middle of the good part of her book. The hero is about to smite the evil warlord and…

“Mom!” comes the holler from the lower floor. “Jimmie’s pulling the dog’s tail again!”

“Yeah, I know. Just a minute.”

“What are you doing up there?”

“I’m folding your clothes!” she lies. …just as Anoweth raises his sword to cleave the despicable Dromig in two…

“Mom!”

“There’s cookies in the cupboard!”

“What? I said Jimmie’s…”

“SHUT UP!”

Author’s notes:

1. The apathetic character is a difficult one to maintain. Apathy goes against my own nature, so I rely on what I’ve observed in others, along with my own tendency to sometimes get distracted to the point where I may seem apathetic. In reality I’m simply getting stressed over the need to help, and the inability to remove myself from my current situation.

2. I have no plans to write Adult Content fiction pieces for this challenge, but it happens, and it’s sometimes beyond my control if I’m to remain authentic to my muse. I will place a warning in the title of those posts which fall under the AC category.

poem – a poem

it’s the poem of all poems
the penultimate penned piece
where the damsel withers
within her lonely turret
while the prince races hither
to smite the beast
and finally to claim his bride
as he breaks her fall
only his legs are crushed
because the silly woman squeezed
her gigantic posterior through the window
thinking her romeo had burn’t crispy
from the dragon’s horrid and hot halitosis…

it’s the poem of all poems
and this is not it.

Breaking Up – a 50-word … thing

Dear You,

I’m sorry we broke up. The sad fact is, you are who you must be and I am who I have to be, and it seems there is no compromise. A serial killer and a saint are just not suited for marriage. I should have known.

Love,

Me

vacant – #tuesdayuseitinasentence

no one home for months now
her circulation hums
like a storm in a hollow drum
her skin, fossilized and drawn into place
the shutters of her eyelids clip-clatter
as she stares out the window
to a vacant lawn
her thoughts rattle
around the icy lake of dreams never realized

Tuesday Use It In A Sentence is brought to you this week by MLW, with thanks. https://awordadventure.wordpress.com/2016/03/29/tuesdayuseitinasentence-vacant/ Click the link and add your post!

Me Movie – a 50-word story

I think there should be a movie of me. It would show my awesome life: sailing around the world, fighting dragons, climbing really tall mountains, swimming to the bottom of the ocean, sorting mail, knitting scarves… Oh wait, I started daydreaming. Flying airplanes, finding gold close to the earth’s core…

The Chronicles of Mary, Part 1 – a 50-word story

One day, a strange man dressed in a business suit approached Mary, and asked her if he could call her “Ivy.”

“That’s not my name,” she said.

“Please?” he begged.

“Whatever.”

“Ivy,” he said. Then he ran away, pointing, and yelling, “Poison Ivy!”

That was Mary’s oddest day to date.