fiction

Lazy – #AtoZ Challenge

“It’s a juggling act, you know?” Marvin says as he puts his feet up on his desk. “I get back from lunch and I’ve got this to do, and that to do… but in the end, it’s just easier to get Bob to do it.”

“I’m Bob,” says Bob. “It was my twin brother, Frank, you sent out to do your run.”

“And you know what, Bob? I appreciate it. You can tell your brother that when he gets back.” Marvin sits up and shuffles some papers on his desk. “Well! Gotta get back to work!”

“Asshole,” Bob mumbles as he leaves.

As soon as the door closes, Marvin puts his feet back up.

Author’s Notes:

1. I decided early on to put the character I’m describing (in this case, lazy) in the scene or story, rather than just talk about him or her. It’s proving harder than I thought it would; complaining about a lazy person–or talking about one–is easier to write than showing one.

2. I have no plans to write Adult Content fiction pieces for this challenge, but it happens, and it’s sometimes beyond my control if I’m to remain authentic to my muse. I will place a warning in the title of those posts which fall under the AC category.

Kleptomaniac in 50 words – #AtoZ Challenge

They’re coming. I hear the sirens. And here I sit in a room with the evidence. There’s nowhere to hide it and there’s nowhere for me to hide. I’m finished. Unless… I blame it on my roommate! Yeah! It’ll take them a while to figure out I don’t have one.

Author’s Notes:

1. When writing a short story, I like to get to the point rather than get too deep into the psychology. I save that sort of in-depth character development for my novels. I enjoy writing 50-word stories. This one ran 57, I went back and removed some unnecessary words. I find it to be an excellent editing exercise.

2. I have no plans to write Adult Content fiction pieces for this challenge, but it happens, and it’s sometimes beyond my control if I’m to remain authentic to my muse. I will place a warning in the title of those posts which fall under the AC category.

Jester – #AtoZ Challenge

Knock, knock, knock.

“Why are you knocking at my window?”

“I vant to come een!”

“What for? Hey, how did you get up to the second floor?”

“A ladder.”

“Why should I let you in?”

“Eet’s cold out here! And besides, I vant to play cards.”

“Just play cards?”

“But, of course!”

Click. Creak.

“Thank you.”

“Wait! What are you doing?”

“I’m biting your neck.”

“But you said you wanted to play cards!”

“I do! We’ll play spades later.”

Author’s Notes:

1. Writing is hard, sometimes. *sigh* Can I get away with calling this one funny?

2. I have no plans to write Adult Content fiction pieces for this challenge, but it happens, and it’s sometimes beyond my control if I’m to remain authentic to my muse. I will place a warning in the title of those posts which fall under the AC category.

Intoxicated – #AtoZ Challenge

Scene: A drunk middle-aged man sits beside an elderly lady on a long overseas flight. She is in the window seat.

Man: I… I don’t have a problem, y’know. (tips plastic cup in her general direction)

Lady: (staring forward) Mmmhmm.

Man: My wife left me.

Lady: I’m sorry.

Man: You’re sorry. It’s my wwwife who should mbe sorry. She thinks I have n dringking problem.

Lady: Mmmhmm.

Man: You don’t b’lieve me. Why don’t you open the window n jus’ jump out.

Lady: (pushes “call attendant” button)

Man: What choo do that for? I don’t have a problem!

Attendant: (smiling) How can I help you?

Lady: I wonder if I might change seats?

Attendant: I’m sorry, Ma’am, the plane is full.

Man: Shhh…she thingks I have a problem.

Lady: (looks up pleadingly at the attendant)

Attendant: Sir, would you like to come with me?

Man: (grins) Anywhere you want, darlin’. (stands, swaying and follows her toward the front of the plane)

Five minutes passes. The attendant goes by and the lady flags her down.

Lady: I just wanted to say thank you for removing that nasty man. Where did you put him after all? I thought the plane was full.

Attendant: Oh! (laughs) That was the pilot.

Author’s Notes:

1. I had no idea where this was going. I actually made myself laugh at the end.

2. I have no plans to write Adult Content fiction pieces for this challenge, but it happens, and it’s sometimes beyond my control if I’m to remain authentic to my muse. I will place a warning in the title of those posts which fall under the AC category.

The Chronicles of Mary, Part 2 – a 50-word story

Last week, Mary got her heel stuck in a sewer grate. As a car was approached at great speed, a woman in a cape (envision Professor Umbridge of Harry Potter fame) scooped Mary up and moved her to safety.

Mary attended the woman’s funeral shoeless. She wasn’t taking any chances.

Gregarious – #AtoZ Challenge

“Let’s see; on Monday night I have dinner with the boss, and on Tuesday evening I’m going to my sister’s best friend’s cousin’s baseball practice. On Wednesday it’s beers with the guys from work… I might be able to fit you in Thursday. No wait! That’s pot-luck night at the neighbour’s place. Friday I’m going to the movies with my brother, and Saturday is football. Saturday is definitely out. Can I fit you in on Sunday, say at between ten and midnight?

“Suzie?

“Great. She hung up on me again. What a way for a wife to treat her husband!”

Author’s Notes:

1. Some guys just get no respect. And some are oblivious. I just came up with the first line and ran with this one.

2. I have no plans to write Adult Content fiction pieces for this challenge, but it happens, and it’s sometimes beyond my control if I’m to remain authentic to my muse. I will place a warning in the title of those posts which fall under the AC category.

Flirtatious – #AtoZ Challenge

“Come here often?”

He said it before he even got his ass parked on the barstool. I was incredulous. “Are you kidding me? Is that the best you can come up with?”

“Well, I could have said, ‘Are you Antarctica? Because my North Pole is attracted to you!'”

I laughed despite myself. We’ve been married ever since.

Author’s Notes:

1. I love a good cheesy pick-up line. They’re fun to make up.

2. I have no plans to write Adult Content fiction pieces for this challenge, but it happens, and it’s sometimes beyond my control if I’m to remain authentic to my muse. I will place a warning in the title of those posts which fall under the AC category.

Evil – #AtoZ Challenge

when we met, i fell in love
with you immediately
your cherry red-painted lips
held me captive;
the way they slid
across your smile
and caressed your speech
though i couldn’t hear what you said
from across the room
i had to have those lips
pressed against mine

but you wouldn’t have me
would you?
your lips scorned me
and your body turned away
and i had no recourse
none at all
but to follow you home…

here in your room i hear you breathe
a staccato of sobs as i
squeeze your scarf around
your porcelain throat
and i think
(since you’d taken it off)
i’ll paint your lips once again
that glistening cherry red
so i’ll have no need to see them
the dusky blue
of your sunset moment

Author’s Notes:

1. My torture scenes go back to my Stephen King roots; reading horror was such a forbidden teenage pleasure. I have a classic love/hate relationship with my evilest characters.

2. I have no plans to write Adult Content fiction pieces for this challenge, but it happens, and it’s sometimes beyond my control if I’m to remain authentic to my muse. I will place a warning in the title of those posts which fall under the AC category.

Dumb – #AtoZ Challenge

I got it! I finally got a way to get on America’s Funniest Videos! This is gonna be great. All I have to do is cover the peak of the roof with sheet metal, and build a ramp coming down to it off the top of the barn. Oh, and I need my skateboard. Duh! I’m gonna grind for the camera, baby!

Author’s Notes:

1. It’s obvious where my inspiration for this piece came from, yet I have to hand it to the people who make up a good portion of those who get their videos on the show; their ideas are brilliant. It took me a while to come up with something original.

2. I have no plans to write Adult Content fiction pieces for this challenge, but it happens, and it’s sometimes beyond my control if I’m to remain authentic to my muse. I will place a warning in the title of those posts which fall under the AC category.

Times, they are a’changin’ – a 50-word story

On my word, I have never seen anything like it in all my eighty years! Walking up the street as if it owned it, all my-shit-doesn’t-stink, nose-in-the-air swagger. And it was on a leash too! Dangling out of the trousers it was barely wearing ’round its ankles. Kids these days!