I think there should be a movie of me. It would show my awesome life: sailing around the world, fighting dragons, climbing really tall mountains, swimming to the bottom of the ocean, sorting mail, knitting scarves… Oh wait, I started daydreaming. Flying airplanes, finding gold close to the earth’s core…
humor
The Chronicles of Mary, Part 1 – a 50-word story
One day, a strange man dressed in a business suit approached Mary, and asked her if he could call her “Ivy.”
“That’s not my name,” she said.
“Please?” he begged.
“Whatever.”
“Ivy,” he said. Then he ran away, pointing, and yelling, “Poison Ivy!”
That was Mary’s oddest day to date.
The News – a 50-word story
“It is not just black and white. There are bluish green areas over there, and if you look closely enough, you’ll see the occasional splotch of yellow. But the truth is, it is red all over.”
“Sir?”
“Yes, Todd?”
“What is it?”
“It’s a joke, Todd. Don’t you get it?”
Suspicious Coffee – an 100-word story
“What if,” I asked my husband as we sipped coffee from our china cups, “coffee contains some sort of secret ingredient that allows the government to read our thoughts.”
“What are you saying, Darling? That now coffee is part of your conspiracy theory? I honestly don’t know why I married you.”
“Now that you mention it, I was thinking the same thing. How could I have married someone who is so… insensitive to the possibility that everything is spying on us?”
“Everything is not… wait. Did you say you were thinking the same thing as I? Put down the cup.”
Bleak – an 100-word story
“Well then John, if she won’t have me, I’ll marry someone else!”
“You can’t just ‘marry someone else,’ old chap. The wedding is scheduled for tomorrow. You’ll have to call it off.”
“But I can’t do that. There are people coming from all over the world. I know, I’ll call Cupid.”
“Please don’t.”
“It’s too late. There he is at the window! Wait! Don’t aim it at me now!”
“Duck!”
“John? Please, will you marry me?”
“I should rather die!”
“But then, who will be my best man?”
“It won’t be me, old chap. I don’t swing that way.”
“Drat.”
Shame – a 50-word story
It’s a major disaster. So much blood has been spilled. I had one job to do. Just one. How could I have been so careless? I’ll never be able to show my face in public again!
I should have known I was too clumsy to work in a butcher shop.
Honey
22:30 Honey! Are you coming to bed?
Yeah! I’ll be there in a minute!
22:36 Honey! Are you coming to bed yet?
On my way, dear!
22:40 Honey! Are you…
I’m here.
Oh good. But before you get into bed, can you let the dog out?
…
22:54 Honey! Are you coming to bed soon?
The dog’s still outside!
Well get him in! I wanna snuggle!
Be there soon, dear!
23:01 Honey! Are you…
Yes.
Good. Get into bed.
… Honey, did you lock the front door?
No, didn’t you?
No.
23:09 Honey! Are you coming back to bed soon?
Be there in a minute!
What’s taking you so long?
Cat wanted in!
We don’t have a cat!
You sure?
Of course I am!
Okay! I gotta find the cat now and let him back out!
23:44 Honey! Are you coming…
I’m here.
What the hell happened to you? Where’d all those scratches come from?
The cat. It didn’t want to go out.
…Wait, what colour was the cat?
Black.
Maybe it was Blackie! I haven’t seen her since before we met! You’ve gotta go let her back in!
…
1:03 Honey! Did you find her yet?
… Honey? Honey where’d you go?
…
Honey?
…
Ugh. Men!
Tuesday Use It In A Sentence – Trebuchet
I remember it like it was yesterday. I came home from school and my big brother, Wade, was building something on the front lawn. When I asked him what it was, he said:
“It’s a trebuchet. We’ve been learning about them in history class.”
I couldn’t wait to get into Grade Six. “What does it do?” I asked, awestruck.
“It throws stuff. I’ll let you know when it’s ready to go.”
“Okay,” I said, and I went in to get myself a snack. Mom wasn’t home – if she had been the whole thing probably could have been avoided.
When I went outside half an hour later, Wade was on the roof, dropping rocks into a bucket that was hanging on the same level as the gutter. That thing was HUGE, I tell you.
“Are you almost done?” I asked.
“Three more rocks and she’s ready to roll.”
I waited until he was back on the ground, and I asked him: “What are you going to throw with it?”
“I forgot to give Petey back his tennis ball. I’m gonna pitch it to his house.”
“But he lives a whole mile away!”
“Yep!” Wade gave me a real shit-kickin’ smile then, and I knew things weren’t going to go so good.
“Stand back and watch,” he said.
And I did. I stood way back. When he let that thing go it was a good thing no one was inside too. He damned near cut the house in two. But Petey got his ball all right. Went right through his bedroom window.
Tuesday Use It In A Sentence is brought to you by the lovely Kelli this week. Pop over and join in! https://fortyandfantastique.wordpress.com/2016/03/14/tuesdayuseitinasentence-trebuchet/
the cause of my insomnia
there are days, when I can’t
think of a thing, to write
when I hear a whistle in my ear
and realize it’s the wind
coming from the other direction
there are days, and this is one of them
that I just want to say, good night
and turn off the light, close my eyes
and lay awake, thinking of all
the things I want to write
tomorrow
Isn’t There a Cream For That? An 100-word Story
It started with an itch. Just a little, Ooh, what’s that? I think I’ll scratch it. So I did, as you do.
The next morning I woke up to find a big… I don’t even know what you’d call it. So I decided to go to the doctor. Ha! Funny, right?
The moment I got in the door, everyone was, Aah! Look at the hideous beast! and What the hell is wrong with him, coming in here?
I wanted to explain that I just needed my itch looked at, but they wouldn’t listen. It sucks being reincarnated as a snake.
Linda G. Hill 