A False Lie

Tension filled the courtroom. Both prosecutor and defense stood when the jury walked solemnly back in.

As the crowd held its collective breath, the foreman spoke: “We, the jury, find the accused to be guilty of spreading false lies.”

The prosecutor and the defense turned to the head of the court for confirmation. The judge banged his gavel. “The defendant has been exonerated by virtue of double negative. Case dismissed!”

The Daily Post prompt today is False.

Breezing Through – strange poetry

A human infant, if left outside (safely) in a high wind may lose its breath, but it will likely survive into adulthood,
a chick, high in a nest may get blown away and never seen again,
a bee caught unawares in a sudden gust may end up in another garden,
but a fart captured by even the slightest breeze is sure to die.

Have pity for the fart. For it is a rare and short-lived species.

Captain’s Log – 06.07.16

O5:00 Awoke.
05:30 Arrived in control room to find Midshipman Fluffy missing in action.
05:45 It seems that Midshipman Fluffy has abandoned ship.
11:55 Broke to make lunch. Requested Admiral Papas’ assistance but was informed he was busy laying down. Brought lunch back to control room.
13:00 Have dire concern over Midshipman Fluffy’s absence without leave.
18:00 Midshipman Fluffy has returned, with seven kittens in tow. Plan to reassess Midshipman Fluffy’s standing as of tomorrow.
22:00 Hitting berth. Leaving ship on autopilot. God keep us safe.

Captain’s Log – 05.07.16

O5:00 Awoke.
05:30 At controls.
08:30 Appointment with Admiral Papas. Forced to abandon ship temporarily. Left Midshipman Fluffy in charge.
13:00 Returned to ship. Found Midshipman Fluffy asleep on duty.
13:01 At controls. Midshipman Fluffy relegated to brig for 10 minute timeout.
13:11 Discovered Midshipman Fluffy sleeping in brig. Unsure what to do next. Will consult with Admiral Papas.
13:24 Have decided to leave Midshipman Fluffy be. Will attempt to awaken him when it’s time for him to take over.
18:00 Break for supper. Midshipman Fluffy assures me he is capable of maintaining control.
18:45 Returned to controls. While congratulating Midshipman Fluffy for staying awake, he scratched me. Am concerned for Midshipman Fluffy’s well-being.
22:00 Hitting berth. Leaving Midshipman Fluffy at controls overnight.

Island (Humorous Fiction) – Daily Post

They say no man is an island, yet here I stand, surrounded by the flood that has taken over my basement. My sump pump stopped working three days ago, and all the stuff my wife said we needed to keep has disappeared under the skunky water that’s now up to my waist. Oh wait! Is that a toaster I see floating over in the corner? If it is, it’s toast now. It ain’t no island like I am.

Yeah, my wife – sitting upstairs at the kitchen table, sobbing over all the junk she’s lost. I should never have encouraged her to go to all those garage sales in the first place. We’ll start fresh now though. No more bargains, no more…

“Yes, honey? No, I haven’t found the Royal Albert china yet!”

I’m sure it’ll be fine.

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The Daily Post today is Island. Check it out!

Give and Take – 100 word fiction – Daily Post

It is my pleasure to take from you all you have to give. And you give it willingly, you do. But for a price, of course.

You know I shall enjoy my pleasure, and you indulge me each time I ask. We have that sort of relationship, you and I. Of mutual benefit, do you not think?

The pleasures you give are sweet, they are sumptuous. They linger on the lips like the taste of a kiss, they do. And what is it I give back to you?

About a hundred bucks a day. Chocolate is not cheap, is it?

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Find the Daily Post here, where today the prompt is Pleasure.

The Common Cold – 100 word story

“The cure for the common cold lies within our grasp, Sir.” I expected him to pat me on the back, but instead his eyes have gone shifty. I try stating the obvious. “The humans will have no recourse but to bow to us now.”

He rubs his long, pointy green chin. “I think we need more study.”

“But, Sir!”

“Never mind, Major. Arrange to have the next shipment brought into my lab forthwith. And don’t forget to restock the anal probes.”

Odd, I think after he walks out. I would have thought the nasal probes more necessary for further study.

Captain’s Log – 24.06.16

O5:00 Awoke.
05:10 Prepared coffee.
05:30 At controls, coffee at hand.
07:35 Detected signs of The Infamous Mr. Cadavel, attempting to locate my whereabouts.
07:36 Altered course, with aid from Midshipman Fluffy.
11:55 Broke for lunch. Midshipman Fluffy in control.
13:00 Returned to find Midshipman Fluffy in trouble. Crisis averted. Solution: hairball.
15:06 Code Red: communication to the mothership down.
15:11 Communication reinstated. Must investigate cause.
15:12 Found frayed wire. Relegated Midshipman Fluffy to mess closet for timeout.
18:00 Break for supper. Left Midshipman Fluffy in charge of cleaning mess.
22:00 Hitting berth. Leaving Midshipman Fluffy at controls overnight.

Captain’s Log – 23.06.16

O5:00 Awoke.
05:30 At controls.
08:15 Awoke, again. Realized I’d missed morning coffee. Had Midshipman Fluffy bring coffee.
11:55 Broke for lunch, leaving Midshipman Fluffy at controls.
13:00 Returned to controls. Nothing out of the ordinary as yet today.
14:00 Pirate sighting at starboard. He’s close. Not sure how he snuck up on me so fast.
14:01 Relegated Midshipman Fluffy to cleaning head.
14:02 Got rid of pirate.
14:10 Read “Watchtower” in head.
18:00 Break for supper. Left Midshipman Fluffy in charge of cleaning mess.
22:00 Hitting berth. Leaving Midshipman Fluffy at controls overnight.

light

in a certain proverbial light
you look like a rock star
all glitter and sweaty
though in truth i know
the glitter’s internal
something you show me
when we’re alone together
something about you
so private and yes
fascinating to me,
it’s that inner glitter
that keeps me coming back

now to do something
about the sweat
a shower perhaps?
do you glitter
in the shower?