humour

100 word fiction – Sarcasm

Sarcasm drips so easily from your palate to your tongue that it’s hard to keep up with you. But I try.

“So you’re saying you don’t want broccoli for dinner tonight?”

“Oh yes, I love broccoli. I love to look at it and smell it and do all kinds of naughty things with it.”

I slow my speech. “So, you’re saying, you don’t want broccoli, for dinner tonight?”

“What the fuck do you think?”

“I’ll do beans.”

“NO! NO! I don’t want beans, I want broccoli, you stupid bitch!”

I long for you to grow out of the terrible twos.

The Interview

“All right then Mr. Jones, everything looks good. We’ll be contacting you within the next two weeks to let you know if you’ve got the job.”

“Thank you so much. I look forward to hearing from yo…”

“Oh! One other thing. I keep forgetting to ask this question. New protocol and all.”

“Yes?”

“Tell me, Mr. Jones. How many times per day do you urinate?”

“I beg your pardon?”

“How many times per day do you urinate?”

“Um… about three?”

“Excellent. We’ll let you know then. Thank you for applying for a job at Google.”

Superpower

At the fish market, Jim decided that his choice of superpower – the power to smell any pussy at less than a hundred yards – wasn’t necessarily the best choice.

…because, you know, cats like to hang around fish markets, and most of them have bad breath…

Fit to be Tied

A little tale of revenge, by me 🙂