bearing in mind
the bare facts
fuzzy-wuzzy
may have been
a threadbare
bear
humor
may
may your clouds be always fluffy
may your fruits be ever fresh
may your tests not all be toughies
may mozzies* be stopped by mesh
may your holidays be jolly
may your sleeps be peaceful too
may your dreams not end up folly
may you never get the flu
happy may!
*mosquitoes
Zany, 100 words – #AtoZ Challenge
“You know,” I began. My brother doesn’t know anything, so it was a rhetorical statement. “If you cross a giraffe with an elephant, the result will just be a scaly grey giraffe. They have the same tail.”
“But it has to have a trunk!” he exclaimed.
“If you give it a trunk it will topple forward. I won’t be able to get from tree to tree in order to eat.”
“It doesn’t need to eat! It’s just a picture!!”
He had a point. I handed him my grey crayon and let him get on with it. But I couldn’t watch.
Author’s Notes:
1. I don’t suppose this character is “zany” as much as childish, but this is what I ended up with and I’m sticking to it.
2. I think I only ended up with one or two “adult content” posts. None were particularly naughty. Ah, well. It’s been fun doing this challenge with characters. Thanks for reading.
yoyo – #AtoZ Challenge
you wind me up
and hold me
you let me go
i fall
and spin
and hit bottom
and wonder
if you’ll jerk me back up
or leave me dangling
while i wait to find out
i’ll just walk the dog
Wretched – #AtoZ Challenge
Oh woe is me
as I sit here
in a puddle of spilled tea.
My hot ass
is by far hotter
than it was but five minutes past.
And just as I
was about to walk
out the door on a date with a guy.
His ass was hotter
than mine yesterday
but now, alas, my hotpants are no better than a blotter.
Oh woe is me
I must get changed
into beige-ly boring cloth, and sadly covered knees.
Author’s Notes:
1. Some characters fall easily into poetry. The sadder they are, the faster they fall, in my experience.
2. I have no plans to write Adult Content fiction pieces for this challenge, but it happens, and it’s sometimes beyond my control if I’m to remain authentic to my muse. I will place a warning in the title of those posts which fall under the AC category.
Verbose – #AtoZ Challenge
“So I said to him, I said, ‘If you’re gonna cheat on your wife, at least cheat with a good-looking chick!’ ‘Coz you know, this woman he was seeing, I’ll tell you something. This woman this guy was seeing was uuggglllyyy…? Oh my God she was ugly! But then his wife wasn’t any kind of looker either, so you can see why he’d want to cheat on her. But you know, guys like that… and I’m not saying I have anything against guys like that. I’ve been there myself, more than once. But guys like that, they’re just asking for trouble, you know? They’re just here and there, and their minds are, like, all over the place! They can’t keep a straight thought in their heads any more than they can keep their dicks in their pants, you know?”
“Uh huh. Hey, do you know if this plane is going to make any extra stops?”
“I don’t think so.”
“Emergency landings?”
“No. No, I don’t think so. But about this guy…”
Author’s Notes:
1. For my next trick, I’ll be Donald Trump’s speech writer!
2. I have no plans to write Adult Content fiction pieces for this challenge, but it happens, and it’s sometimes beyond my control if I’m to remain authentic to my muse. I will place a warning in the title of those posts which fall under the AC category.
Truthful – #AtoZ Challenge
“You know what I admire about you?”
“Wha…what?”
“First, gimme another dringk.”
“Mmmkay.
“Now, whadda you admire about me?”
“You really tell it like it is, you know?”
“Mmmhmm. I do.”
“Like, just tonight. Your wife aksed you if she looked fat in her dress. Am… am I right?”
“You are corr…rect.”
“An’ you told her, ‘Yes. Yes you do look fat in that dress.'”
“Tha’s what I said.”
“So… why are you here in my basement helping me with this bottle of scotch?”
“‘Coz I’m honest! Hey, you got a couch I can sleep on?”
Author’s Notes:
1. Such a tough choice, isn’t it? To be honest or not? I’m thinking one day I might answer the question with fiction. In the meantime I just sit around writing in my slimming dress…
2. I have no plans to write Adult Content fiction pieces for this challenge, but it happens, and it’s sometimes beyond my control if I’m to remain authentic to my muse. I will place a warning in the title of those posts which fall under the AC category.
Rebel in 50 words – #AtoZ Challenge
“I’m not going to school, and that’s final!” Billy yelled at his mother as he stomped out the front door. He made it half-way down the street before he realized he had nowhere else to go. He was also hungry and wearing pyjamas. Life as a badass had definite drawbacks.
Author’s Notes:
1. I couldn’t get Billy Idol’s voice out of my head as I wrote this. Now I’m imagining Billy Idol in his pyjamas, snarling his way down the street one sunny morning…
2. I have no plans to write Adult Content fiction pieces for this challenge, but it happens, and it’s sometimes beyond my control if I’m to remain authentic to my muse. I will place a warning in the title of those posts which fall under the AC category.
Preachy – #AtoZ Challenge (AC – language)
“And here’s the tow truck. What did I tell you?” the man asked his wife rhetorically.
The tow truck pulled up in front of the man’s car and the driver got out. “Is this here your car?”
“It is, and you’re not taking it anywhere, young man.”
“I gotta. The police said so.”
“Do you realize who I am?”
“No, but I’m the tow truck driver and you’d better call a taxi.”
“I see.” The man slipped his hands in his pockets and took a teacher-like stance before the tow truck operator. “It’s not what you do for a living, young Sir, it’s how you deal with a crisis that shows your true character.”
“Oh yeah? What’s that got to do with me?”
“I hope to teach you a lesson today. You are about to tow away an absolutely priceless car, and yet I remain calm. What would you do if you were in my position?”
“I’d probably start thumbing.”
“An excellent answer for one who has so little money.”
“Uh-huh. Except you said it doesn’t matter what I do for a living. If I had a better job, I might take a taxi too.”
“I think you’d have far more fun thumbing a ride, don’t you?”
The tow truck driver smiled and nodded.
Just then, the man’s wife emitted a high-pitched scream from the direction of the ditch. The man hurried around his car, bent, and then stood to address the tow truck driver. “My wife’s in labour! Call a fucking ambulance!”
The tow truck operator whipped out his phone. Three minutes later, the man stood back as the ambulance attendant loaded his wife into the back, to transfer her to hospital. As the man moved to join her, the tow truck driver held out and hand to stop him.
“What do you do for a living, anyway?” he asked the man.
“I’m a priest,” the man replied.
Author’s Notes:
1. This started in my head with an opening sentence. By the time I finished and edited it, the sentence ended up in the middle. I find it a bit long-winded, but I’m too tired to edit any more. Hope you enjoy it.
2. I have no plans to write Adult Content fiction pieces for this challenge, but it happens, and it’s sometimes beyond my control if I’m to remain authentic to my muse. I will place a warning in the title of those posts which fall under the AC category.
Nosy – #AtoZ Challenge
“Did you see that?”
“See what, Mom?”
“The woman in that house we just drove past. She was naked!”
“She was in her own house!”
“Well, she didn’t have to stand near the window with no clothes on.”
“And you didn’t have to look in her window!”
“Hmph.”
“Next time, Mother, you’re driving.”
“What, so you can look in windows instead of me?”
“No!”
“Don’t tell me you don’t look in windows.”
“If I do, I picked the habit up from you.”
“Exactly.”
Author’s Notes:
1. Don’t you love people who look in windows at night? Don’t you love people who leave their curtains open at night even more? Admit it. You looked.
2. I have no plans to write Adult Content fiction pieces for this challenge, but it happens, and it’s sometimes beyond my control if I’m to remain authentic to my muse. I will place a warning in the title of those posts which fall under the AC category.
Linda G. Hill 